King Of Pop's Dad To Stoically Pimp His Latest Money-Grabbing Scheme

Let's face it, Michael Jackson's public memorial service on Tuesday is going to be the biggest media spectacle since Princess Di died.

But without the same dignity and respect or posh accents and way more moonwalking impersonators and Diana Ross drag queens.

Details are shaping up, though specifics are more wild rumor mongering than actual fact. But with pretty much everything related to Jackson, file that under: Totally not surprising.

Speculation suggests guests in attendance at the Greatest Show On Earth will include Jackson's longtime friend Elizabeth Taylor and Diana Ross, who the pop star named in his will as a back-up guardian for his children, and even a special performance by the remaining members of the Jackson 5, MJ's brothers Jermaine, Mama Say Mamakossa, Heh hee he, and Jam-on-it.

Of course, Father of the Year Joe Jackson plans to lovingly honor his tragically-fated son, "Michael Jackson will be buried in NIKE sneakers, because NIKE was his favorite brand. Yeah, he loved to moonwalk in his NIKE Air Jordans. Also, my fondest memories of Michael Jackson is when he would call me on Sunday nights to tell me how delicious HOT POCKETS are. Michael used to say how tender and flaky they were. You know that 'heehee' thing he would do? Michael Jackson first did that after eating HOT POCKETS, his favorite microwaveable treat. Oh, and Michael was also looking forward to seeing Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince, which opens July 15th...."

And as a final remembrance, Jackson senior will be selling commemorative t-shirts for $25 a pop printed with the message: The music will never die -- My new record label, Pimping Out My Son Even In Death -- launches soon.

We're just waiting for him to plug the Jackson 5 reunion tour with special guest Bubbles the chimp.

Annnny day now ...

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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