Plus, Holy Hogwarts! Emma Watson's Underwear Flash Leaves Boy Wizards Spell Bound

* Joe Simpson wants Ashlee to jump start her failed music career with an album of Michael Jackson covers. It'll be called, "Don't Stop 'Til You've Totally Tarnished a Musical Legacy." MJ's dad Joe Jackson has, of course, offered to sign Ash to his new record label. You might have heard about it once or a thousand times. As part of the deal, Al Sharpton gets to rap over one of the tracks. People, it's only been a little over a week since MJ died. At least give it a month before butchering any of his music. At least then he'll be settled and be able to roll over in his grave.

* Warner Bros. picked Ryan "Abs of Steel" Reynolds for their next superhero tentpole, the Green Lantern, but somehow Justin Timberlake was also on the short list of candidates. If you wanna learn how to put your d*** in a box, he's your guy but his girlfriend Jessica Biel would be a far better pick--she has a deeper voice and way better biceps. No wonder they haven't broken up. She could totally kick his arse.

* Before the first Transformers movie, Megan Fox was an unknown actress desperate to find work which made her vulnerable to swarmy directors. Not surprisingly, that included Michael Bay who had a Ferrari in need of washing and a video camera in need of...videoing. Reportedly, "He made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her." But Bay apparently has no idea where the sudsy footage may have ended up. Riiight. Uh, did anyone look for the retinal-scan protected file on his computer called "Fake Megan Fox 'audition' which worked only because I'm an inexplicably famous director, otherwise I'd have been arrested for pulling this semi-porn-y scam?"

* Rachel Weisz thinks botox should be banned for actors. Sounds good in theory, but why else would anyone see, say, a Nicole Kidman film, if not to observe deep inner emotions struggling to escape the lineless, motionless, plane of a botulism-filled forehead?

* After wining and dining Jennifer Aniston in a promotional stunt timed to coincide with her upcoming flick, Bradley Cooper has moved on to his next cougar: Renee Zellweger. The two, who are currently filming the upcoming thriller Case 39, were spotted having a romantic dinner in Manhattan acting "flirty" towards each other, with Zellweger reportedly smitten by Cooper's wily charms. Hmm, from Dull and Boring to Frozen Sour Face. That's just a love triangle of suck. Hey, Brad, Sharon Stone's due for comeback! Now that would be a tabloid relationship made in heaven. For us anyway. Gotta give the public want it wants, right?

* Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince is being released this week and it's a hugely important film in the series. No, not because of the drama. And not because of Hermione and Ron's developing romance. It's because, finally, Emma Watson is legitimately old enough for old perverts to drool over her every time she accidentally flashes a portion of her knickers for a millisecond in public. Which she did at the Harry Potter premiere, in fact. Gwyneth Paltrow has been bellyaching about how other countries are so superior to the United States, but Lindsay Lohan orBritney Spears would totally have been snapped without underpants. Take that, Gwynnie. We're number one! We're number one!

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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