It's Simple Really, Jen: Just Do The Exact Opposite Of Whatever You Usually Do

Since Courteney Cox has been busy hanging out with Isla Fisher, she's been a bit lackadaisical about her role as Jennifer Aniston's bestie.

So happily married Bette Midler has picked up the slack and stepped in to play yenta to our favorite A-list, single sob story.

Awwww. That's sweet. And totally random. But let's face it, with her dismal dating record, the former Mrs. Brad Pitt needs all the help she can get to break her loser-y steak.

When People magazine asked the multi-hyphenated legend what kind of guy would be good for Jen, the Divine Miss M suggested, "She needs an exciting guy, like a race car driver."

Well, what was wrong with Vince Vaughn?

"I actually thought Vince Vaughn was great," she said. "He's hilarious, he's good-looking. I mean, I thought he had it all."

Ok then, how about with John Mayer?

"Well, he's a good-looking guy," Midler said of their much-publicized on-again off-again relationship. "I've got to say, I watched it for awhile, but I have no
opinion."

Very diplomatic. She should consider political office. We would call him a self-centered, fame-grubbing, pseudo-sensitive sleaze, but that's just us.

Bette continues, "I think she needs somebody who cherishes her, but also somebody who's going to give her a run for her money. She should find somebody who is
really hot, who's not in show business. Somebody with a lot of money, and she should live the large life and forget about those a--holes . . ."

Oh sure, no bigs. There are literally tens of those kinds of guys just walking around to choose from. And Jen will only have competition from about a zillion and one other single women with baby-ready wombs. The line forms behind us, ladies!

What about an online dating service? "Oh, please, you mean JDate? Put her up on JDate and see how she does!," says Bette.

We took a stab at writing Jen's profile: Divorcee seeks man with good listening skills to put up with endless whining about past relationships, patience to deal with bad hair day paranoia and willingness to indulge in the occasional semi-illegal voodoo ritual to make arch rival's face breakout and career implode. Oh, and must like dogs, walks on the beach blah, blah, blah."

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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