And Karma KO's Joe Francis & Brody Jenner

* Stop us if you've heard this one before: Lindsay Lohan's rental home in the Hollywood Hills was robbed for the second time in three months. Says mom White Oprah, "The safe was ripped out of the wall, and the door was off
the hinges and door handles removed. Bags, shoes and jewelry were taken too." And according to Radar Online: Lindsay had the jewels on loan from swanky Beverly Hills store, XIV Karats, from over two months ago but when asked to return the pricey baubles the Mean Girls star fessed up that she didn't have them. Lindsay claimed that they had been stolen from her safe, a source says. Gee, what a timely coincidence! Please. We all know the jewelry was traded for coke in some Mexican border town pawn shop.

* Katie Holmes is SUCH a fat ass. That is, at least according to hubby Tom Cruise, who has reportedly criticized his robo-bride for piling on FIVE pounds during filming of her new flick in Australia. Maybe Tom will let her borrow his girdle.

* Jennifer Aniston's publicity machine is working overtime to make her not look like the all-time loser in the game of love after Bradley Cooper dumped her for Renee "Sour Face" Zellwegger. Apparently we've all been wrong about Jen and her dating troubles these past few years. She hasn't been getting dumped -- she's purposely moving from boyfriend to boyfriend so she can stay in the spotlight. "She goes after the hottest thing of the moment, what she knows will get her the most time in the spotlight," says a source. Vince Vaughn, John Mayer and Brian Bouma are her idea of hot properties? We think we might have spotted the fatal flaw in her grand plan.

* Liar, liar, pants on fire! Mischa Barton tells People magazine that the real reason she was 5150'd last month was because she had a TOOTH ACHE. Right. According to Mischa, the unspecified medical issues that led to her hospitalization at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center were the result of stress from her various work commitments compounded by pain from having her wisdom teeth removed, " I had to get through it without proper painkillers because I couldn't take those during work. Lie #1: So, taking a couple of Advil was too risky but a syringe full of anti-crazy meds was just the ticket? Alrighty then. Lie #2: Sure, turning up uninvited at nightclubs hoping to score free drinks and not get tossed out might be stressful but that hardly counts as "work commitments." Forget dramas, Misha. With this kind of material, you can make a killing on the comedy circuit!

* Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy was trying to pick up chicks the day she announced her pregnancy. Between that and Kourt's blabbing that she thought about getting an abortion, that kid is going to turn out awesome. An awesome cat murderer or pyromaniac that is . . .

* Hours after being sentenced to five years probation for beating Rihanna, a clearly remorseful (not!) Chris Brown was snapped celebrating at a Hollywood club. Brown was seen laughing and joking with an entourage of girls, and despite the fact that he pleaded guilty to felony assault, more than a dozen girls took photos with him. "Hey there's Chris Brown! He beat the crap out of Rihanna. Let's get our picture taken with him and maybe he'll punch us, too! Tee hee!" Ladies, at least make him buy you a drink and some nachos before you give away your dignity and self-respect. Honestly, what are they teaching in school these days?

* All hail! Celestia, the rightful Queen of Planet CRAZY has landed. Recovering lesbian Anne Heche was on "Letterman" to promote ... Well, we have no idea know what she was there to promote. Because all anyone's talking about is the psychotic rant she went off on, trashing her ex-husband Corey Laffoon. When asked by Dave what the father of her son Homer was up to, she calls him a "lazy ass" and when Dave asked what Corey does for a living, Heche said He goes out to the mailbox. He opens the mailbox door and goes, Oh, I got a check from Anne. Oh, I got a check from Anne. Yay!' At that point you know Portia de Rossi turned to Ellen DeGeneres and said, "good lord, what did you ever see in her?"

* Jeremy Piven has been vindicated for his departure from the David Mamet play Speed the Plow after an arbiter ruled he did not breach his contract. He was, however, found guilty of being the boy version of Katherine Heigl but shorter with a small penis and premature hair loss.

* Hey did you hear that Michael Jackson died? No for real. The Los Angeles County coroner officially ruled his death a homicide, saying a lethal dose of the sedative propofol directly caused his death. After Latoya Jackson's "I was right" media tour, she plans to open her own bloodhound gang detective agency. To drum up business she cold-called O.J. Simpson and John Ramsey offering to help them find the "real killers" of Nicole and Jon-Benet. But for some reason, they haven't returned her calls.

* Paris Hilton left quite the surprise for Doug Reinhardt before she left for an acting job in Vancouver last week. Paris had her team pay a visit to Doug's house, bringing over life-size photos of herself to hang throughout the mansion so that he won't be able to forget her again--not even for a millisecond. Doug doesn't need life-size photos of Paris hung on his walls to remind him of what he's missing while she's out of town--that burning and itchy feeling is like a "thinking of you" card from Hallmark.

* There is a God and evidently he hates Brody Jenner and Joe Francis as much as the rest of us. Sleazy Girls Gone Wild founder Francis was accused of moving on from merely exploiting women to now punching them in the back of the head, as Jenner and his girlfriend, 2008 Playmate of the Year Jayde Nicole, claim happened at a L.A. club. But according to Francis' side of the story, Jenner and Nicole came up to him and punched him weally, weally hard in the club and again outside. Jenner had to be tasered by guards to put him on ice. Either way, they both got a little universal karma kick in the pants--It's like a buy one, get one free deal at Payless.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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