"Celebrity Rehab" Alum Tawny Kitaen Fails Sobriety Test

* Even though they've known each other an entire month, some people are daring to question Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's deep, 696-hour-love for each other. Shocking, right? Partygoers at a GQ magazine party were left questioning the legitimacy of their romance and singer Mya was overheard telling a pal that she is sure the engagement is fake and is nothing more than publicity stunt." How. Rude. Khloe isn't marrying Lamar for the publicity. She's marrying him for his money. Fame is fleeting but a good prenup and wise investments with interest can last forever.

* Raise your hand if you're the least bit surprised that Lindsay Lohan just coincidentally happened to know the guy who burgled her house last month? Anyone? Yeah, us either. Now that Linds has been linked to Nick Prugo, the guy charged with robbing her, she's worried he'll leak secrets that "could hurt Lindsay ... stuff about drug use or borrowing clothes and jewelry that wasn't returned." What could he possibly say that hasn't been plastered all over the tabloids for months? Most people already know she's a sexually-confused, drug-addicted, out of work has-been.

* Kevin "KFC" Federline is the latest overweight personality booked to appear on VH1's reality show, Celebrity Fit Club. Dude, VH1 is really stretching the meaning of the word "celebrity" as far as Federline's belt loops will go aren't they?

* Taking the easy way out to drop the pounds: pudgy poppa Jon Gosselin wants to have 20-30 pounds taken off with liposuction. Hmm, a slimmer douchebag with a receding hairline and a bunch of kids who had sex with the nanny and left his wife for a younger woman . . . gosh, who does Gosselin remind us of? It's right on the tip of our tongue . . .

* The winner of the 2009 "Father of the Year" award ... isn't Jude Law (see what we did there?). The new daddy isn't in any hurry to meet his daughter, born to "opps, the condom broke" baby mama Samanta Burke earlier this week. A source tells the Telegraph that Jude is busy with work in Hamlet on Broadway and can't fly all the way to the distant land known as Florida to visit baby Sophia, "Sadly, Jude will not be able to see Sophia until he finishes work on Hamlet on Broadway in December." We doubt Burke cares whether Jude comes or not. The only visitor she cares about seeing every month is a check from Jude.

* In what basically amounts to a giant FU to its viewers, The Hills "star" Heidi Montag is the latest celebrity scheduled to sit-in for Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View, who is on maternity leave until mid-October. Now, we don't watch this show under any circumstances, but we can't help but think this is a huge mistake by the producers. They're totally alienating their core audience: females who hate dumb whores, ages 35-49.

* Whoops, so much for a comeback. Mischa Barton's triumphant return to TV on Ashton Kutcher's show The Beautiful Life has been R.I.P.'d after just two episodes. This means Mischa is out of a job. "Dentists" beware because she now has time on her hands.

* Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson is up to her breast implants in debt and unpaid taxes. She owes more than $1.2 million to creditors. Well, we know none of the money was spent on clothes ...

* Randy Quaid and his wife Evi were busted in Marfa, Texas after Santa Barbara County in CA issued an arrest warrant for burglary, defrauding an innkeeper and conspiracy against the two for skipping out on a $10,000. hotel bill. They were freed after the sheriff drove Quaid and Evi to an ATM to post the $20,000 bail. We're not sure which is more shocking: that this story isn't about Lindsay Lohan or that apparently it's possible to get $20,000 from an ATM. Damn, Bank of America and their "insufficient funds."

* Former Whitesnake video vixen Tawny Kitaen was arrested over the weekend in the O.C. for allegedly driving her Range Rover under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Was she riding on the hood at the time of the arrest?

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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