How To Stay Calm In A Stressful Situation

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine came over in the morning looking like hell. The night before she had had a dinner party and when things wrapped up at about 11pm, it appeared her neighbour was just getting started with her own party.

This was a rare occasion, but my friend was exhausted and in no mood to put with loud dance music blaring from the house next door. She marched over there and told her to please turn the music down. The neighbour refused stating that this was her first party and she felt her neighbour could put up with the noise for one night. Her response: You don't like the noise, call the cops. And that is exactly what my friend did.

The noise subsided after the police left, but my friend was so riled up she couldn't sleep a wink. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant outcome and the relationship between the two has been hostile ever since.

When I heard the story, I wondered what my friend had hoped to gain from the situation. Did she really call the cops just to get a better sleep? If so, why didn't she sleep like a baby after the music subsided? If she was upset with her neighbour's lack of respect, was calling the cops going to make her neighbor more respectful or more resentful? Did she ponder what life was going to be like every single day she came out of her house in the future before entering into this altercation? Probably not. And now she's stuck in a situation that is really making her unhappy.

If you are contemplating having a difficult conversation with someone, especially someone you work with, take a deep breath and ask yourself these two questions before you begin. First, What is the goal of this discussion? In other words, what do you want to have happen after you have this discussion? In your mind, picture the best possible outcome. And the second question is, What do I want my relationship with this person to be like after I have this difficult discussion?

Write the answers down and you'll quickly see how to approach the discussion to maintain good relationships while still getting what you want. All too often, we let our emotions takeover our brains and we act on impulses without giving any thought to what would actually make us happy in the long run.

I shared this story with my husband and he had an interesting take on the situation. You see, the other night our lovely neighbours also had a party. They were quite loud well into the morning hours and they certainly did keep us awake. We both put ear plugs in and I slept like a baby. Unfortunately, my husband was up most of the night. When he awoke he was tired. I asked him if he contemplated talking to the neighbours.

His answer a clear NO. He said I love our neighbours and it is so nice to see them enjoying life by sharing good times with friends. I want that for them and I hope they will leave us alone when we have a party. He took something that to me, was a huge annoyance, and turned it into something beautiful to savour. It was a temporary inconvenience to us and our relationship with our neighbours, whom we see every day, is wonderful and friendly. The bottom line is that situations can be viewed from many different perspectives one can annoy you, the other can uplift you the view is totally up to you.

Louisa Jewell
		About the author:
		I am the co-founder of www.whydidyougo.com and a consultant, facilitator and speaker. I work with organizations and leaders to create positive work environments that promote higher levels of performance and well-being. I am a positive psychology specialist and have just recently graduated from the ground-breaking Master of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. The MAPP program is led by renowned psychologist, Martin Seligman and is the first masters program in the world that offers in-depth study of the science of human flourishing which I use with my organizational clients.
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