Has Modern Romance Lost the Fight to Technological Warfare?

There are no if's, and's, or but's about it. Modern love and technology go hand in hand. Don't get me wrong, I am an i-pod loving, gadget-giddy, BBMing twenty-first century girl. But, as the true romantic that I am I often wonder if I have become susceptible to the effortless, and often impersonal, wooing tactics of modern love.

I mean, do we ladies settle for less because we are conditioned to stay with the times? Today, being (dare I say it) traditional means being high maintenance. Like preferring one phone call to a million meaningless texts! Is it so wrong to want a little TLC? And I'm not talking about a virtual hug.

If anything a relationship depends on time and effort, but PDAs and social media mix things up by aiding the organized-challenged. No need to plan ahead for a birthday when you can send an e-card at the click of a button, and there's no penalty for Mr. potential when he texts you, yet again, during your weekly Yoga session. With technology you're always accessible. We tend to focus on the excitement that he called, texted, messaged, whatever! than realizing he couldn't care to remember you were busy in the first place.

We equate Facebook pokes with making a friendly gesture and Twitter updates with staying in touch - pretty soon time and effort go out the window with expectations. Love letters have been replaced by text messages, phone conversations replaced by Skype, email replaced by Facebook. If the medium is the message then what does that say about what's being conveyed? I don't want to settle for an easy, quick, impersonal version of love. What am I, a hooker? Na-uh.

I get it. These days communication can't be quick enough but does speed come at the cost of sincerity?

I think for some, yes. In particular the token player whose little black book has been replaced by his BBM contact list. For him, technology aids and abets his game and lots of women don't think to question it. It's not uncommon for relationships to start out with copious amounts of flirtatious texting. We feel so spoiled by the attention that we forget that he isn't actually doing anything except getting on with his life and beeping in and out of ours. How quickly we forget about chivalry, about spontaneity, about face to face time!

But for many romance isn't lost, it's just undergone an extreme makeover. Sincerity doesn't come at a cost, it's magnified by accessibility. Facebook birthday alerts (a total lifesaver by the way) are a perfect example of this. When I'm reminded out of the blue of someone's birthday (a close friend or otherwise) the message that I send them isn't less sincere then if I had remembered on my own. It simply avoids me looking like a jerk.

I guess in many ways we have all come to an understanding that the pace of life has quickened and communication has adapted to accommodate. Notes won't be sent by letter and stamp, and birthdays won't be recorded in a Filofax. The term 'effort' has been redefined. In love, effort is now measured by what you say not how you say it. If Romeo hadn't made the grand gesture of going to Juliette's window, if he had only a 140 characters to express how he felt I wonder if he would have said things differently.

For me, technology has made love possible.

For three months I have carried on a relationship over Skype. I am on one side of the world, my boyfriend on the other. All we have is a 13 inch screen, a microphone and a lot of love to keep us together (and sane). At times I am so grateful that modern technology allows me to see him. I don't have to imagine the backdrop, or what he's wearing or that gorgeous handsome face. And I don't have to deal with the financial stress of communicating over oceans.

But other times I am so over making kissy faces to a miniature camera and scheduling every call that I come to resent my little laptop. I hear JT's voice in the distance, Ayo I'm tired of using technology" that song has taken on a whole new meaning.

But I couldn't imagine surviving a long distance relationship without Skype. If anything, talking on the phone feels more impersonal and far away. We text each other constantly, and even though his messages aren't signed, sealed, delivered I don't feel like they mean any less. We haven't lost romance by depending on technology we have solidified it. Technology enables us to be in constant communication, ladies and if anything, we've gained insight into the male psyche.

Most women may not be depending on technology as much as me, but it's no question that in order to survive modern romance you need a PhD in IT. Decoding and deciphering messages is a task in and of itself! But we're not sporting moon boots quite yet, so resist the total submission of traditional romance and understand that technology hasn't robbed us of the lovey dovey stuff, it's just packaged it differently.

By Lindsay Fellows

Lindsay Fellows
		About the author:
		Lindsay Fellows, Vancouver born but Toronto raised, thrives off her chilled out west coast roots but has happily succumb to the eastside hustle & bustle over her twenty some odd years in this city. An avid writer and wannabe foodie, Lindsay has a weakness for high fashion mags, coffee table books, non fiction and dining ‘experiences’ from Nobu to Beauty’s. She has a BA from McGill University, and after school landed an editorial internship at ELLE Canada magazine. A self proclaimed nomad, Lindsay has a passion for travel and just spent the last year backpacking abroad.
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Oh what a wonderful world of technology; it definitely leads to even more communication problems, especially in the face of romance. And just when chivalry was already on the verge of death. I read an interesting article recently on "good modes of communication versus bad ones" with your hubby or loved one. The article concluded that random text messages are a-okay for it means you're on your man's mind. Aw, how sweet. Apparently, Facebook messages are a big no-no for this means that your guy may have several cyber sweethearts. Yikes. I personally think that every relationship develops habits, which includes how and how often you communicate with one another. Maybe it includes BBM, a late phone chat, or both. I vote a late night phone chat as best :)

Jess , May 14, 2009

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