My friend says...
My friend recently asked me if I believe that it is the man's role to ask a woman out.
I say
The socio-cultural environment within which we live today provides endless possibilities. There is freedom for everything and especially in New York City anything goes.
One of my favorite expressions comes to mind, A chacun son plaisir, or similarly, Whatever floats your boat. You know yourself best; whatever works for you, for how you see it, so it becomes. If you are a traditionalist, then you will have trouble breaking free from the longstanding social molds and expectations; if there is hesitation than it's not for you. If you believe you are more modern, however, you likely possess an open-mind that makes the prospect seem less daunting. It takes believing you are capable to make the first step in accepting possibility. And still despite a strong belief in your capabilities, the task can be intimidating.
Asking someone out involves a risk, as rejection is a potential outcome one would rather avoid. If you feel confident, then go for it as there is nothing much to lose and potentially a lot more to gain. Regardless of the outcome, however, how you ask a man out says a lot about your personality. Sometimes women making the first moves are perceived as aggressive as opposed to confident. For this reason, I do what I can to put myself in a position where it is easy for the man to pursue me!
I follow-up with everyone I meet and with whom I exchange more than a few words with a quick line via email or phone message, Pleasure to meet you and hope to see you again soon. You never know what that connection may hold. It takes just a few minutes and it puts you back on that individual's radar. I found this habit well received which made it easier to extend to a prospective beau.
When I'm in the mood to mingle I find eye contact, body language, and genuine interest in conversation keys to holding a man's attention. Ask for a business card or call the friend this prospect was with to ask for his information. If you genuinely enjoyed his company, and you sensed that he enjoyed yours too, then contact him again. Once I've dropped the line and made my contact information available, I am now in a better position to be pursued. You have also widened your net of possible friends!
But what if he is shy? Hopefully that is something that you sensed during your contact, however brief, and compensated for with extra sweet smiles. Shy does not equal stupid. If he is interested then he is paying attention and he will pick up on your vibe.
Don't fret. What have you to loose? You have everything to gain, including increased self-confidence. If this man does not make the call continue on undeterred. The right person will be engaged and enthused by your subtle grace and charm.
Do you have questions? Write to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it !
 Katia Tallarico, Relationships 2.0 | |
| About the author: | |
Katia Aurora Tallarico, born and raised in Toronto, currently lives in Manhattan. As an undergraduate at McGill University, she lived in Montreal where she studied Psychology and later pursued a graduate degree in Counseling Psychology at Columbia University in New York City. Katia integrates both Western and Eastern approaches to her mental health practice and credits her own well-being to a dedicated meditation and yoga practice. She has worked servicing chronically mentally ill adults in lower Manhattan and currently works as a Mental Health Counselor with foster children in the South Bronx. In addition, Katia is an active supporter and Young Benefactor Committee member of Free Arts NYC (www.freeartsnyc.org). | |
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