My Friend Says...

My friend says

That he's just a friend.  She has known him for a long time and loves the time they share, but as their friendship grows, she is being introduced to more of his world and beginning to question their compatibility.

I say

If this boy is just a friend, then it sounds like my friend wants to take things slow.  That is always a good route to go. There is no harm in easing into a relationship.  At the very least, consider the possibility of making a good friend.  Give yourself the time to get to know each other and take things as they come.

My suggestion is for my friend to keep enjoying the connection they have - when they are together they always have a good time.  Enjoying one another's company has a lot to do with being in the moment. Live in the here and now, and don't waste precious moments on worrying about the future, and where the relationship may lead.  Instead of emphasizing what has happened, or what may happen, I'm trying to encourage my friend to focus on the times when they are actually together.  

It helps to consider having a connection with someone, as opposed to an attachment.  When two entities connect they come together and can create a bond. However, as easily as they connect, they also come undone, unscathed and fully functional on their own.  When two things attach, rather than connect, the separation is not as clean and often leaves marks.  Like picking a flower from the ground - it can no longer stand on its own as it did in its relationship with the ground, its roots intertwined and supported by the earth.  Like the Buddha said, Attachment is the root of all suffering" - but that's a whole other discussion!  

When my friend is not with this man, can she carry on contently and not obsess over when she will see him next?  If she cannot, and many of us have experienced that, then she is probably starting to get attached, and that's when it's time to consider red flags.  If you maintain a connection, however, your happiness will not be dependent on whether or not you are with him - it will just be enhanced when you do share time with him again.

By Katia Tallarico, Relationships 2.0

Katia Tallarico, Relationships 2.0
		About the author:
		Katia Aurora Tallarico, born and raised in Toronto, currently lives in Manhattan. As an undergraduate at McGill University, she lived in Montreal where she studied Psychology and later pursued a graduate degree in Counseling Psychology at Columbia University in New York City. Katia integrates both Western and Eastern approaches to her mental health practice and credits her own well-being to a dedicated meditation and yoga practice. She has worked servicing chronically mentally ill adults in lower Manhattan and currently works as a Mental Health Counselor with foster children in the South Bronx. In addition, Katia is an active supporter and Young Benefactor Committee member of Free Arts NYC (www.freeartsnyc.org).
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