You Can Write It, But Don't Send It

The men in our lives are often notorious for behaviour that warrants a 'Beware: Danger Ahead'' sticker. Mood swings? Cheap skates? Frequent communication with their ex? Maybe if we had a few disclaimers before we entered into a new relationship, we'd be much better prepared for the romance roadblocks. But women are no better. We have a few tricks that would be better left up our sleeves. The worst of them? The 'Unsent Letter'.

You know it all too well. The chemistry between you and the new guy is incredible. Everything is great. Smooth sailing. Operation: Board The Dreamboat is a success.

Then, one wrong turn. It's usually just a mild tiff, a hiccup in communication, but something is slightly off. You want to let it go, but you can't seem to find the restraint. Soon enough, your fingers get that familiar itch and the next thing you know you're at 150 WPM on a mini novella and thirty seconds away from clicking 'send'. An outpouring of your feelings is just what he needs, right? After all, communication is the key to every healthy relationship. So what harm can six concise paragraphs outlining your concerns, fears, hopes, and expectations do?

Pull up a chair.

Yes, communication is very important in every relationship. But so is timing. We would be willing to bet that every guy, your boyfriend included, is all too aware of LWS (Letter Writing Syndrome). Just the sight of your name in his inbox can send him running in the opposite direction, ready to change his relationship status on Facebook.

The problem is simple. Our definition of communication isn't exactly the same as theirs. To foster open communication in a relationship, you don't necessarily have to engage in verbal explosion, and you certainly don't have to let your emotional roller coaster veer off the tracks and crash land on your boyfriend's head. The first couple of months of dating are especially shaky when it comes to the territory of serious discussions. One wrong move can change the entire mood - sunshine and rainbows can turn into a dark storm in no time. Remember, it's tempting to live in your head and entertain all kinds of wacky "what if?" ideas. Are they truly warranted? Take a moment to examine the catalyst of your anxiety. Is there a chance you're overreacting?

If you've concluded that your concerns are legitimate and need to be brought up, find a way to address it lightly and with a solution in mind. Nothing screams insecurity like a sobbing confession session. Your partner will appreciate - even admire - your confidence and diplomacy when approaching a touchy subject. The ability to sit down for a coffee and discuss issues like an adult carries a lot of weight in a relationship and really pays off in the long run.

So ladies, put the pen down, discard that draft in G-mail. If it makes you feel better, print it off and keep it to yourself for temporary validation; then throw it away and clear your mind. If you fire it off, there's a chance he may not return to sender.

Courtney Gilmour
		About the author:
		Courtney is a published writer, stand-up comic, and shameless Internet enthusiast. She holds a double bachelors degree in English Literature and Communication Media Studies, specializing in semiotic theory, however she doesn't get Shakespeare and has never won a game of Scrabble. Currently she lives in Toronto and works as a writer for WOMAN.CA.
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