Tips for Mastering the Work/Life Balance

It's 7 a.m. The kid's been up all night with a raging fever. You have an important presentation at 10 a.m. What do you do? The choice is obvious, right? You call your boss and say, I'm sorry, but my child comes first. Nothing is more important than my family.

As we all know, reality is very different. Sure, you'll call in and cancel the big meeting, but, (if you're anything like me) you'll be home stressing about the imaginary demise of your career. If you're even more like me, and if the thermometer isn't reading quite high enough to put Little Johnny at risk of febrile seizures, you might just give him a spoonful of Tylenol, put him on the bus and cross your fingers hoping the school doesn't callbut trust me, Tylenol doesn't last all day and the teacher will call.

Whichever way you play it, as a mother, you're facing some pretty serious mother-guilt (sorry guys, I'm not convinced that the Y chromosome allows you to experience this feeling quite so acutely). Women, me included, are constantly dancing to the beat of dueling banjos when work is winning the duel, the kids suffer. When kids are on top, the career is in a stall, or worse, free fall.

In Work/Family Balance: What Do We Really Know?', published by the Vanier Institute on the Family, in January 2009, Dr. Jacque Barrette of the University of Ottawa reveals that the percentage of parents that have a hard time juggling work and family has steadily risen since 1996. He also says because they are more overloaded and stressed than their spouses, mothers say they are less satisfied than their partner in their performance as a parent (and so proves my Y-chromosome theory).

Gwyneth Paltrow blithely tells us in her new website, Goop, My main priority, far and above anything else in my life, is my children, their happiness, stability, individualism and well-being. Um, thanks for sharing, Gwyneth Me? I'll be happy if my kids are able to support themselves and live independently. If they can avoid the therapist's couch (and subsequent mom-bashing' that I'm sure will go on there), well, I'll consider that a bonus.

So what can those of us who aren't award-winning actresses with an army of nannies, cooks and various other help' do to make the dance a little easier and hopefully produce a future generation that is relatively well-balanced?

Dr. Barrette recommends that we change our work habits. This means refusing to work overtime if it's an unreasonable request, limiting the amount of work we bring home, reducing our commute time, and making a clearer division between family-time and work-time. Easier said than done, Doc!

While it seems idealistic, I'd like to see women and men take Dr. Barrette's advice seriously. It may mean that we redefine what success really means. Rather than break the glass ceiling, perhaps we should break down the cubicle walls toward a more holistic life; one where work and home life, responsibilities for kids and aging parents are successfully managed by both moms and dads. With modern technology such as Blackberry and laptops readily available to us, do we really need to be tied to a desk from 9 to 5?

While we wait for utopia, however, try a few of these tips:

• Gather your posse in advance. It's not easy, but having a friend, a sister, or an aunt on speed dial as a back-up can really help ease the stress. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

• Enlist the help of your children. I remind my kids that we're all in this together and if mom is stressed out, everyone suffers.

• Establish, and follow, a schedule. It's boring, I know, but it works in keeping the stress levels down.

• When you have to cancel that meeting because Johnny is truly sick, take advantage of the time at home for us task-oriented moms, the sense of accomplishment derived from cleaning out a closet or two may just quiet those dueling banjos for a while.

By Andrea Corlett