Why You Should Stop the Husband-Bashing and Start Appreciating

In my many years of coaching moms, there has been a recurring theme of husband bashing. I've heard phrases like "My lazy husband", "He's so useless" and "He just doesn't get it" tossed around more than a Caesar salad. True, there are some men out there who truly are clueless when it comes to what women want. I feel like I am speaking for most women when I say that a monster truck race isn't the most romantic place for a date.

When it comes to marriage, I consider myself one of the lucky ones. My husband treats me with love and respect and he's an incredible, hands-on father. And I'm not just saying that because he reads my blog. To have a healthy relationship, there must be give and take. And I like to believe that I make him feel appreciated for all that he does.

So how can you start to get your "useless, lazy, good for nothing" husband to become a contributing member of your family?

Give up some of the control and let him parent his way. You heard me. If you ever want to pee alone again, trust me on this one. Having your kids eat cookies and corn dogs for dinner is a small price to pay for some much needed down time. (Just make sure he's on vomit duty should the high fructose meal make an encore presentation.)

True, in many cases we (women) can do things faster, better and cleaner. But that doesn't mean we should. It's time to start empowering our men instead of enabling them. I'm terrible at math but here's an equation I understand: Controlling Behavior + Always Saving His Ass = More Work For You. And if you make this a habit, your husband will start to say things like "You go out honey, I'll be happy to babysit." When this happens and you know that you will be coming back to a monsoon of a house and spastic kids, you've been letting him off the hook for too long. Newsflash -- He's also a parent. Let him be one.

A little gratitude goes a long way too. Let's face it, as liberated women we can practically do it all. But why the hell would you want to? Does changing a light bulb really empower you? I remember clearly when I had to shovel and salt my driveway a few times this past winter because my husband was at a conference out of town. Sure it was a good workout, but so is doing sit-ups in front of Desperate Housewives. Or, better yet, just watching Desperate Housewives. We have to start to appreciate all the jobs that our men do. They may not all involve child care duties, but they are important nonetheless. Take a minute and think about all the things that get done around the house. If you're doing everything, you need to have a conversation with your man. NOW! But if he's the one taking out the garbage, recycling, killing spiders and shoveling the snow, take a minute and acknowledge his contribution. Then thank him for it.

We all work hard. We all have pressures and stress and feel overwhelmed from time to time. Couples need to stop criticizing each other and start complimenting each other on a job well done.
Here's another equation you need to understand. Delegation + "Me" Time = One Happy Mom. And let's face it, when you're happy, so is everyone else.

By Carly Cooper

Carly Cooper
		About the author:
		Carly Cooper is a certified Life Coach for 'Moms'. She gets motherhood because she is a mother. She understands the struggles with guilt and finding a work/life balance as she herself is a working mother. For more information about Carly, her services and to request a complimentary coaching consultation visit her website at www.balance-the-mother-load.com.
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