Jon's Best Father's Day Gift Ever: The Freedom To Have Sex With Younger Woman Who Don't Have Kids

"Jon and Kate Gosselin have an announcement."

Those are the words appearing on-screen in a teaser for a super-duper special episode of Jon & Kate Plus Eight slated to air on Monday.

Phrases like A family in turmoil and a relationship at a crossroads," flash across the screen as Kate Gosselin says, "Decisions that will affect every member of our family...ones that we hope will bring each of us some peace."

Could it be? Is this (dramatic music) The Divorce Episode?! Of course, we could be way off and they're pulling out of the show, getting counseling and saving their kids from seeing mommy and daddy exploit the single most traumatic moment of their young lives in exchange for fistfuls of cash.

Or, maybe they'll announce that the tots are up for auction on eBay and are now accepting opening bids from Madonna and Angelina Jolie.

Naaaah. Kate would keep the gravy train going with sock puppets if she had to. Maybe a spin-off? Kate Plus 8: Martyr Mom...It's Not Like She Needed Jon Anyway Since She Had To Do EVERYTHING All By Herself ... Actually, The Team of Nannies And Cooks Do All The Work But SHE Was The One To Tell Them What To Do, Not Jon. We're sure TLC can come up with a better title.

In any case, our national nightmare could soon be over. Expect spontaneous prayer vigils to spring up across the country and President Obama to make a public address as we begin to heal.

Can't wait. Personally, we hope the big announcement includes an explanation for her hairdo.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
	Read More >>