Refresh And Rebuild

They say "there's no place like home" and "no one loves you like your family". It's a sweet, comforting thought for people who maintain close ties with their parents, siblings, and other relatives. But for many, these saying can hit a sore spot.

The idea of a big happy family gathered around a dinner table every night is charming, though not always realistic. Arguments, tragedies, and sometimes just a busy schedule can be enough to stunt the growth of a tight family bond, separating relatives for years.

Recently Oprah revealed a surprise on her show  - a half sister who had been adopted to another family after birth. The heartfelt reunion shocked audiences across the country and sparked conversation about reconnecting with lost loved ones. The topic has been trending, and some of us, those who also have family with which they are estranged, have been toying with idea of reconsidering our stance.

Taking the first steps towards starting over with a family member is not easy, and can be extremely intimidatingt. Emotions may be scattered, and that's a perfectly normal expectation. 

If you're having some trouble taking that first leap of faith, here are some tips that you might find helpful:

The Internet
The web has become the most efficient search tool for pretty much everything these days. From recipes to high school classmates, a quick keyword search and click of the mouse produces the most incredible finds. Facebook, Craigslist, Kijiji, Ancestry.ca are all helpful websites that provide search engines for you to look up names and find who you're looking for. This would be a great start if it's been so long since you've communicated with your family member and you're stuck for exact address and location. When you do come across them, prepare to do more than just send a "friend request" via a social network like Twitter or Facebook. If there was animosity between you two, clear the air. That could very well mean swallowing your pride and taking ownership of your offenses. Be open and honest about your intentions and suggest a step further than connecting on the web. 

Phone Call
Should you feel comfortable enough to start with a more direct, personal conversation, start by dialing their number. Reaching out with a phone call goes a long way and shows that you cared enough to build up your courage and take initiative. Also, while the intention is not to catch them off guard and rattle their nerves, their first response will be a clear indication of how they feel about contact with you. Are they happy to hear your voice? Skeptical? Listen to how they react and gauge where to go from there.   

The Meeting
If you have managed to contact your family member, establish peaceable terms, and agree to put the past behind you - congratulations! You're on your way to healthy reconciliation. The next step is to meet with them face to face. This is an exciting event and it's normal to be nervous, even critical, about the outcome. Discuss a location that will be conducive to the kind of reunion you're hoping for. To minimize pressure on each one of you, keep your first meeting simple and practical. Coffee, lunch, something that doesn't require too much activity. Remember that the focus should be on the two of you and catching up on lost time. 

Image from MorgueFile
  

Courtney Gilmour
		About the author:
		Courtney is a published writer, stand-up comic, and shameless Internet enthusiast. She holds a double bachelors degree in English Literature and Communication Media Studies, specializing in semiotic theory, however she doesn't get Shakespeare and has never won a game of Scrabble. Currently she lives in Toronto and works as a writer for WOMAN.CA.
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