Observing A Funeral The Right Way

Losing a loved one is the most painful and confusing time in a person's life, and sometimes it's hard to know how to respond to a friend in such crisis. When you're invited to a funeral, what do you do? What do you wear? Who do you talk to? 

Different religions and cultures observe death in many ways and since it's such a delicate issue you don't want to unknowingly be disrespectful. Here are some reminders about how to conduct yourself before,during, and after a funeral:

Offer condolences -  Be quick to offer your sympathy and well wishes, don't waste time. Yes, the friend and family will be busy with funeral arrangements and a lot of people to deal with, but kind gestures are always needed sooner rather than later. At the service pay your respects to the family, saying a few apologetic words concisely, just enough to let them know you're thinking of them and supporting them with your presence. 

Observe funeral attire - Typically, funeral attire requires all black, at least that's what we see in the movies. It's not necessarily a rule, and over the years expectations for dress code have changed, but it's important to remember your funeral attendance is about respect, not fashion. Bright colours, in that case, should be avoided in addition to revealing outfits. Keep your wardrobe selection dark or neutral, nothing ostentatious.

Offer help - If you get a chance to chat with your friend after the funeral service, offer to be of assistance in any way he or she needs in the following days and weeks. Think of the priorities in their life and make plans to be available to take care of them if asked. Also, while it's not essential that you bring a gift or anything with you to the funeral, feel free to if you think that it's a good idea. People always respond well to having some meals cooked for them when they're experiencing serious trauma and depression, so dropping off a few dishes of comfort food is a nice gesture.

Be positive - Keep your end of the conversation light hearted and encouraging. You don't need to feel obligated to be cheesy or vocalize cliche expressions, just speak pleasantly of the deceased, recalling fond memories and reminding your friend of the great influence that person had on them.

Listen - Now is not the time to share philosophical thoughts on the after life. To be a true friend all you are required to do is lend an ear and ensure your friend that if they need to vent, your phone is always on and your inbox is always open.

Image from MorgueFile 

Courtney Gilmour
		About the author:
		Courtney is a published writer, stand-up comic, and shameless Internet enthusiast. She holds a double bachelors degree in English Literature and Communication Media Studies, specializing in semiotic theory, however she doesn't get Shakespeare and has never won a game of Scrabble. Currently she lives in Toronto and works as a writer for WOMAN.CA.
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