Does It Work, Is It Worth It?

Beyonce has a lot to answer for. She’s gorgeous, talented and has been creating fads since the original Destiny Child’s line-up was still in effect. Who among us can’t claim to have, perhaps drunkenly, yelled “put a ring on it!” to our significant other?

Before Beyonce was Mrs. Jay-Z or Sasha Fierce, she was the first contemporary celebrity to popularize the Master Cleanse. It initially seemed like another crazy fad. When people would say, doesn’t Beyonce look good? I would gleefully reply, you know how she got like that? Maple syrup and cayenne pepper!

Yes, it seemed our lady of bootyliciousness was not above going to extremes to shed some pounds before her role in 2006’s Dreamgirls. Would we all need to cave to extremes to attain the goals she so desperately wanted? Her talent hadn’t changed but her body was.

The Master Cleanse has been around since the 1940s but has only become popularized in the last few years. It consists of a sixteen day, three step system. The Ease-In portion, which takes up the first three days, consists of removing “dead” or processed foods from your diet, drinking broths and light soups and then finally just drinking orange juice.

Oh, and if you’re worried about not getting enough calories to, y’know, function, you can add maple syrup to the orange juice.

The next step is the actual cleanse or the Lemonade Diet. Basically, you drink a concoction of pure lemonade, cayenne pepper, rich maple syrup and water between six and twelve times a day. Then you take your laxatives. Interestingly you can still expel solid matter after days of only drinking juice. Fun, right? This is apparently “gross” but also “empowering”. So, just keep that up for ten days to achieve optimal results.

There is also the Ease-Out Stage, which is the same as the Easing-In only in reverse. If you dive straight in to eating solid foods you could become sick. So introduce orange juice one day, broths the next and the finally un-processed foods.

Essentially you are supposed to be ridding your body of all toxins and beginning again with a blank slate. Unfortunately you are also ridding your body of nutrients and vitamins  and you can expect to not be fully with it for a few days as you are operating on sugar from the juice and maple syrup. Also you’ll want to make sure you’re in arms reach of a bathroom at all times as your bowel movements could be as many as seven a day. Also, don’t pass gas, because gas won’t be the only thing you’re passing.

There is no actual proof that the diet actually detoxifies. But it does cause weight loss for a few days but most of the weight is gained back once food is re-introduced to the diet. While the diet is unlikely to produce any long term damage it is a huge inconvenience to your life. Who wants to be the person in the office downing the same foul drink and spending a significant amount of time with your new friend the toilet? Those who market the Cleanse may purport the empowerment element. Taking control over mind and body, ridding it of cravings. While we would all love a quick fix to our body issues it seems that making smart, healthy choices with your food and exercising will never go out of style.

Photo from MorgueFile

Alex West
		About the author:
		After a five year stint in Montreal Alex moved back to her native Toronto to do her Masters and began writing for different publications. When in doubt she always asks, what would Nick Cave do? Luckily the answer almost always involves velvet, wine and writing. In her spare time she enjoys watching civil war reenactments, sharing her James Bond level charm and talking about that girl who did that thing that one time. Read more of her work at: www.scare-tactic.blogspot.com
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