You'd Think They Could Spare A Few Bucks To Get Her Hair Cut

While most parents are busy trying to get their two-years old not to eat paste or stick beads up their nose, sources report Valkyrie star Tom Cruise and his fembot wife Katie Holmes have spent $1 million on lessons for little Suri to be the most over-scheduled, multi-tasker on the playground.

A snitch says, "It doesn't matter what Suri is doing, Tom wants her to be able to do it better than any other child. All parents think their kids are special, but Tom and Katie firmly believe Suri is gifted."

They add, "She is learning French and Spanish and has a tutor she sees once a week. Suri has shown a real love of dancing, so Tom and Katie are encouraging her as much as possible. She practices ballet, tap and modern dance for hours, nearly every day."

And learns how to walk on water every other week. On Sundays, Suri turns Welch's grape juice into wine and blesses her minions with her presence.

One million dollars is also the amount of money Suri is going to need to pay for all the therapy and antidepressants she will need in about 10 years. Oh, did we say antidepressants? We didn't mean that. We were just being glib.

Too bad all that money can't buy what little Suri probably really wants---different parents.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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