Brought And Paid For By MTV (Remember When They Used To Show Videos?)

The Hills are alive with the sound of wedding bells . . . again! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt officially -- and legally -- got married this time around. Supposedly.

After a failed first attempt at wedded bliss in Cabos San Lucas (translation: no one cared), the shameless blondes tied the knot in a Saturday evening ceremony in Cali. As a sign of their deep love and contractual devotion.

The reality sweethearts exchanged their cue cards vows (how else would they know what to say?) before 200 guests, including Hills co-stars Audrina Patridge, Justin-Bobby, Lo Bosworth and Brody Jenner, Kristin Cavallari, and Frankie Delgado.

Oh, and we can't forget to mention that the whole Hills camera crew -- crane and all! -- was on hand to film the blessed event. Who needs to wait for the season finale when the Newlywed Publicity Machine is going full tilt?

Even on-again, off-again bestie Lauren Conrad, who joked on Letterman that she was selling her invite on eBay, turned up for the nuptials, as per the memo MTV sent out to all the cast-mates. Expect a weepy reunion between the estranged BFFs on a "Very Special Episode of The Hills," right after the 1,000th episode of Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

But according to reports, the whole made-for-TV matrimonial affair was so staged that none of the big gossip rags are interested in paying the millions the happy couple was looking for to snag an exclusive. Heidi and Spencer should really take this as a lesson: When you tip the paparazzi on your every move and pimp yourselves out for any chance at even the most inane "99 cents store outing" photo op, your stock goes down . . . it's really a buying milk vs. free cow situation.

To make up for the cash short-fall, the newlyweds will spend their honeymoon competing on another reality series, I'm a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here! Salma Hayek and her re-wedded hubby François-Henri Pinault are no doubt envious.

Now that we think about it, embattled former Illinois governor Rob Blagojevich, who was set to co-star before that whole "you can't leave the state" business came up, would have been the perfect person to hitch Heidi and Spence. He's got great TV hair, plus he loves the camera as much as they do. It would have been a famewhore threesome made in heaven. But that's probably not appropriate for church.

Of course, it's only a matter of time . . . and finance before Heidi and Spence make a sex tape. Or at least pretend to.

Awww, ain't love grand?

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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