Uh Oh, Tom Will Be Casting For His Next Child Bride. Hey, Hayden . . . !

Gadzooks!

If true, this not-so-blind tasty tidbit would be bigger than Jennifer Aniston getting knocked up, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie breaking up and Lindsay Lohan finally getting her act together, COMBINED.

Positively nuclear!

Read on for the juicy speculative details:

He's been served! She has finally pulled the chip out of her head and has served her controlling hubby with divorce papers! And boy, is he mad!

She will file on the grounds of Irreconcilable Differences. The other choice would have required them to go to court, and would have just reflected poorly on both of them. Her attorneys - especially one who worked with her predecessor - have been able to work around most of the restrictions in her original pre-nuptial agreement. She did not fulfill the terms of the contract that would maximize her payout, but she will receive a sizeable chunk of change to keep quiet about his personal life and his special relationship with another high-profile man.

She had him served with documents for a Dissolution of Contract, not Dissolution of Marriage. There is no court filing yet - that's the next step. She will be asking for sole custody of the kid/s. She is not currently pregnant.

Let us walk you through the yellow brick road of clues:

• Pulled the chip out of her head = Fembot or Stepford Wife = Katie Holmes
• Hubby = L. Ron Hubbard
• Boy = Tommy Boy = Tom Cruise
• Mad = Mad Money = Katie Holmes' last movie
• Her predecessor = Nicole Kidman

Answer: TomKat

Can you just DIE?! We can hardly breathe. God, this is better than chocolate or a leaked celebrity sex tape. Or eating chocolate while watching a leaked celebrity sex tape. Whatever floats your boat.

Of course, we must always keep our bullshit detectors set to "what the f--k?" in the aftermath of such breathless glossy-rag reportage, but the mind nonetheless reels from the possibility of a coming gossip apocalypse.

Marriage is hard whoever you are, but the marriage between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is probably far harder than most, especially at the moment.

After all, Tom is in the middle of the biggest slump of his career. His religious views are widely mocked, his big comeback movie has been shunted to the bargain bin and the chances of him ever reaching the heady heights of the past diminish a little bit more every day.

And things can't be great for Katie, either - not only is she married to Tommy Boy, but she's also got a haircut that makes her look a little bit like his fraternal twin. Dreadful.

So if you catch them making out in public and being all gross to overcompensate for these split rumors any time soon, feel free to blame the magazines. There's probably even a lawsuit in it if they actually make you throw up.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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