"Beat Her Down" Backs Down At Thought Of Getting His Salad Tossed

Chris Brown apparently had enough practice beating Rihanna to also beat the justice system.

Brown scuttled the long-awaited court showdown between the former flames on Monday as he copped a plea and managed to avoid jail time for their now infamous Feb. 8 altercation.

The d-bag pleaded guilty to beating the crap out of Rihanna and was put on five years' probation and ordered to enroll in an anti-domestic violence program. He'll
also spend 180 days doing community labor (8 hours a day -- 1440 hours total) in Virginia.

It's so good to see that Brown gets to perform the six months of labor in his home state because too often judges fail to accommodate the needs of felony batterers. Did he ask for an autograph and front-row tickets to Brown's concert, too? Sheesh.

We predict Brown will make it an hour before he starts to whine, "My feet hurt. I'm tired. Are we there yet? Do you know who I am? I'm Chris Brown!"

L. A. county jails are on lock down to prevent mass riots after prisoners in Cell Block 8 learn they won't get to force Brown to put a pair of pink panties on his head in exchange for a pack of cigarettes.

Brown is expected to make a statement telling his young fans that it's not okay to beat your girlfriend... unless you have bucketloads of money to buy your way out of any kind of serious punishment.

Five years is a long time to go without punching beyotches that try to get all up in your business. Come 2014, watch out ladies!

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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