And, Lindsay Lohan Really Shouldn't Be Allowed Anywhere Near A Keyboard . . .

* Who you gonna call? Ghost Busters! Larry King's TV crew was inside Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch the other day when one of the cameras picked up something gliding (moonwalking, perhaps?) in front of a doorway. It could just be a shadow, a reflection or Joe Jackson looking for anything he could put on eBay.

* Angelina Jolie and David "The Bulge" Beckham are reportedly set to star together in Armani's latest ridiculously hot ad campaign. Somewhere Tom Cruise is wondering what David's got they he doesn't have. Besides the ability to not require a booster seat.

* Tweens and spinsters: Robert Pattinson has cheated on you. Using our finest sources, we discovered this nugget of (possible) truth straight from one of our most reliable and oft-used news outlets (Google). Twilight home wrecker Kristen Stewart might be pregnant and "because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father." Well, seeing as that all but confirms the definite news that Kristen Stewart is pregnant by Robert Rob Pattinson's seed, we may as well speculate as to what it will look like. Clearly, it'll be a cross between both parents: dull and boring with artfully rumpled hair.

* Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel aren't broken up. They're just unhappily drifting through life's menial chores together. Whee!

* Kara DioGuardi, the American Idol fourth judge that no one understands the purpose of, got married last weekend in Maine. Why are you getting married now, Kara? You're supposed to wait until the week before the next Idol season premieres so you can grab tabloid covers, circle the talk shows, and exploit your ceremony to promote the project you're involved in. Don't you know how shameless promotion works? This is Celebrity 101 stuff we're talking about here! Anyway, congrats to her new contractor hubby who realized that he's now legally entitled to half of her American Idol earnings if he married her. No, that's not right. We meant that he realized how much he loved her. No, that's not right either. The first one. The first one's right.

* Kevin Jonas, also known as 'the one no cares about' except as a way to get closer to the other two more attractive JoBros, is engaged to his girlfriend of two years. Yep, he put a ring on it and is going to trade in his purity ring for a wedding ring. We give the marriage a year before they both realize it wasn't "true love always," just desperation to get laid. Wonder how much the purity ring will fetch on eBay?

* Harry Potter star Rupert Grint is recovering in London after catching a bout of swine flu. According to doctors, Grint has been given only a 99.99% chance of survival. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family at what must be a truly kinda/sorta inconvenient time for them.

* Josh Duhamel and Fergie (of the Black Eyed Peas) got a stripper pole as one of their wedding gifts, but according to Duhamel, "I've played on the pole more than she has." Wow. That's just too easy. You know, because Fergie has a penis.

* Lindsay Lohan called Justin Timberlake's clothing line a "Macy's brand" and "gross" on Twitter which would almost be an insult if Lindsay could actually afford to shop at Macy's and wasn't, well, Lindsay.

* Reportedly Nick Lachey dumped Vanessa Minillo because she's a gold-digger. Wait. Nick Lachey has money!?

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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