Is Keanu Reeves "The One" For Cameron Diaz? Sure, Why Not--It's A Slow News Week

* Lindsay Lohan just got passed over for new movie role because she's "too jaded." Her last movie role went straight to DVD after premiering on basic cable. Her hair is falling out, and of course, there's the matter of her little coke problem. So what's her solution to jump start her career? Lip injections. Of course. But this could be the turning point that gets her back on track. Those lips will open up so many more acting opportunities for her. Now instead of being type cast as the girl who looks like she can suck on a vacuum cleaner hose and a crack pipe, she can now land roles as the girl who looks like she can suck on a vacuum cleaner hose and a crack pipe well.

* You'd think Jennifer Aniston would be pretty used to playing second fiddle when it comes to dating. But apparently she feels screwed over after Bradley Cooper took her on one date then never called her desperate, needy arse again. Instead, he started dating Renee Zellweger. A pal says Jen doesn't see what Renee has that she doesn't." You mean besides a face that froze that time she sucked on a lemon, and jutting clavicles which could cut glass more efficiently than diamonds? Well, an almost definitely gay boyfriend, for starters. Jen actually came out ahead for once.

* Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn got married in 1996, which might be news to all the girls Penn has slept with since then. Robin filed for divorce in 2007, then changed her mind. Sean filed for divorce in 2008, then changed his mind. She filed for divorce again four months ago only to call it off a few days later. Okay now try to guess where this is headed . . . Yep, Robin has filed for divorce AGAIN. Prepare to disregard this story when they inevitably get back together next week.

* And this year's "Dad of the Year" is . . .Billy Ray Cyrus sees nothing wrong with daughter Miley's pole act at the Teen Choice Awards. Cyrus, sort of dodging the subject, said, You know what? I just think that Miley loves entertaining people. She loves singing and songwriting. I always tell her to love what you're doing and stay focused for the love of the art and not worry so much about opinion. I give my kids a lot of freedom to make the art they wanna make, and make it in their own voice. I think it's important. So pole dancing on top of an ice cream cart is art, eh? Funny, that's the same thing strippers tell themselves to rationalize shoving their bare boobs into men's faces.

* Yikes. Reality show contestant Ryan Jenkins from VH1's Megan Wants a Millionaire has officially been charged with the mutilation and murder of his wife Jasmine Fiore. He is currently on the lam from police in Canada. Seriously, all they need to get him into custody is advertise a casting call for a new reality show with $100,000 in prize money. To catch a famewhore, you have to THINK like a famewhore.

* Michael Jackson's death is the best thing to happen to his brothers' careers. Jackie, Tito, Jermaine and Marlon originally planned an A&E reality show that would feature a reunion with Michael. Michael never signed on and their plans were thwarted even more when their jerk of a brother up and died. Michael ruins everything! Regardless, they've decided to move ahead with the series, changing the focus to Michael's death instead of the reunion. Even in death Michael is still more interesting that most of his siblings.

* Speaking of MJ, after two months his death, the King of Pop STILL hasn't been buried. Joe Jackson originally planned for his son to be buried on what would be his 51 birthday. That date has been pushed to August 31 because there are things the family needs to get in order before Michael is laid to rest. Like figure out how much to charge for admission and decide if selling t-shirts would be too tacky. Then again, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. . .

* Kourtney Kardashian's baby isn't even born yet and she's already using it to make headlines. Indeed, the publicity is perfectly timed to coincide with the start of her new show, Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami. Next, she plans to open a children's clothing store in LA. And she even wants to design her own maternity line. She thinks the pregnancy will be great for raising her profile, says a source. Raise it from what exactly? Useless Ho-Bag to Useless Ho-Bag with a Kid?

* Heidi Montag appeared on Ryan Seacrest's radio show to discuss her lame Playboy spread which consisted of almost zero nudity whatsoever, which is pretty much the entire point of posing for Playboy. "Always leave them asking for more," she
told Ryan. "Always leave them asking more" would be fantastic logic if it didn't pertain to something people didn't ask for in the first place.

* Celine Dion is pregnant with her second child. The 41-year-old singer and her husband Rene Angelil, 67, conceived the baby with the help of a team of fertility specialists in New York. And by "fertility specialist," we assume what they really
mean is "pool boy."

* Are one-time co-stars Keanu Reeves and Cameron Diaz "feeling Minnestoa" (in their pants) for each other? After reportedly hooking up for a hot second with Leonardo DiCaprio and Jude Law last month, the Cam D was recently spotted on a dinner-and-a-movie date with Keanu in L.A., where apparently Diaz stuffed an entire hamburger in her mouth while clowning around with Reeves. Ah, now it makes sense. 'Cause not even someone as stoned as Keanu could be interested in Cameron just for her personality.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
	Read More >>