Jermaine Jackson Beats Joe To The Punch; Finds New Way To Exploit Michael

* Lindsay Lohan debuted her fashion line for Ungaro over the weekend to a flurry of criticism. The consensus is that her clothes suck. But it drew rave reviews from meth-addicted exotic dancers with bastard children. The fashion world has politely asked that Lindsay go back to acting, but the acting world has declared, No take backs.

* Jon and Kate Gosselin have a joint bank account which last week contained "hundreds of thousands of dollars." Jon Gosselin has since taken care of that problem, leaving his estranged wife with just $1,000 to pay the family bills. Funny, we haven't heard of Bosley or Ed Hardy having a blowout sale in the news recently . . .

* Temple Hill Entertainment has acquired the screen rights to "L.A. Candy," the bestselling debut novel by Lauren Conrad, ex-star of the reality series The Hills. The most depressing part about this story is that when Lauren's movie is finally released, it will probably be one of the biggest blockbusters of the year. Why? Because teenage girls will watch anything -- just ask the producers of Twilight.

* Kevin "KFC" Federline isn't above cheating to win Celebrity Fit Club. After finding out that it was definite he was going to appear on the show, Kevin began putting on even more weight on purpose to make his weight loss even more dramatic. He thinks that if he goes on the show, loses a ton of weight, and seems really likable, he'll get more deals afterward, says a friend. The way he sees it, he could have another show after Fit Club,' and that would open the door to working on music again, maybe even a fashion line. Fatterline needs to take it one step at a time. Literally and figuratively. Before he begins work on his master plan, he has to first figure out how to walk three steps without wheezing, then clutching his heart and collapsing in pain.

* Khloe Kardashian somehow tricked LA Laker superstar Lamar Odom to run to the altar, but it turns out that only makes him partially dumb, because word is he is still
working on his prenup and the marriage won't be official until Khloe signs it. He is adamant that all of his assets, including whatever money he makes while married to Khloe, are his, and she will not get a dime should (oh who are we kidding, when) they divorce. Well, she's already got his dignity and self-respect so the cash would have just been a bonus.

* Kanye West and Lady Gaga's Fame Kills tour has been canceled. Yeah. We'll give you a moment to collect yourself. According to Rolling Stone, the primary reason Fame Kills was nixed: sluggish early numbers. Ticket sales sucked, to point where 'sucked' happens to be a nicer version of the word," and other reports claim Gaga's and West's people were allegedly" at each others throats. But Gaga's choreographer, tweeted: Creative differences!!! Please. We bet they just couldn't agree on which one of them got to be the man.

* George Michael and his boyfriend of 13 years, Kenny Goss, reportedly split last Christmas but the two managed to keep the news on the d-l until now. After George was arrested last year for being caught in a public bathroom with drugs and cruising
men, Kenny said he just couldn't stand sharing him with undercover cops anymore.

* Beyonce and Solange's daddy/manager, Matthew Knowles, might be a father again, but the mother is not his wife of 29 years Tina Knowles. Wigs will fly! Alexsandra Wright, who is about six months pregnant, has filed a paternity suit against Knowles claiming that he's the daddy of her unborn baby. If it's a girl, we hope she names the baby Sasha Fierce Jr.!

* Later this year, Jermaine Jackson is set to be the main judge on the BBC show Move Like Michael Jackson. Or as we like to call it, the entire basis for Usher and Chris Brown's careers. The six-episode show will feature dancers who can moonwalk and crotch grab just like the King of Pop. Jermaine told the BBC, "Michael was a superb dancer who inspired people across the world to master his moves and create their own unique routines....AND I NEED A CHECK."

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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