Congratulations: If You Had One Year And Seven Months In The Divorce Pool, You Win!

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins splitting up? Shocking.

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller on the outs? Not so much.

After celebrating Christmas COPS-style (minus the mullet and wife beater) in a Colorado jail after being arrested for allegedly pushing and choking his wife, Charlie's jail cell door was opened late Christmas Day and he was released back into the wild on $8,500 bond.

And now Brooke, who has infant sons with Sheen, is reportedly planning to return the lifetime Playboy subscription she bought him and give him the gift of divorce instead.

Wow, from assault to divorce all within 24-hours. Well, we guess all families have their traditions.

Sources say, "Sheen's arrest on felony domestic violence charges followed a night of arguing after a quiet trial separation of the couple. Mueller has now decided that she will file divorce papers in the very near future."

Elin Nordegren's divorce attorney is already browsing the "Useless Crap For People With more Money Than Sense" catalog while waiting for the phone to ring.

Like so many asinine incidents, too much Wild Turkey is being blamed for Charlie's hillbilly holiday. When the police arrived at the scene at around 8:30am on Christmas day, they tested Brooke and Charlie's booze levels. Brooke got a .13 and Charlie registered a .04. DRUNK ON CHRISTMAS MORNING: it's just like old home week at grandma's!

Initially, Brooke recanted her claims, while Charlie told cops that she was one who tried to Tiger Woods him and he was just defending himself *sound of small violins playing.* But sources say Brooke only changed her story after Charlie's people pressured her and even "suggested the exact words she should use!" Yet another source reports that Brooke decided to www.zipit.com in order to add a few more digits to her alimony check.

Meanwhile, Denise Richards, Sheen's former wife, released the following statement: "Neener, neener. I told you so!" Which, coincidentally, is also the title of the new reality show she's planning for E!

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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