Bugs Bunny Is Expected To Issue A Statement

Brittany Murphy's husband Simon Monjack recently completed LaToya Jackson's "Crackhead Conspiracy Theories" correspondence course (just $19.99 plus shipping and handling) and he's already solved his first case. A+!

The results of Brittany's autopsy won't be released until next week but Simon knows what did her in--Hollywood. That's right, it wasn't drugs, as pretty much everyone suspects, it was stress over not being cast as a singing penguin in Happy Feet 2.

"Hollywood broke her heart. They have blood on their hands, and I hope they wash them with very hot water because of the way they treated Brittany Murphy while she was alive."

Gee, why not accuse Colonel Mustard in the library with a candle stick? Oh, right, money. But, Simon shouldn't rule out that Dewey Decimal character, he's one tricky customer. Just ask former President Bush.

Anyway, in a move that Tila Tequila would envy if she knew what that word meant, Simon is planning to sue Warner Bros. for wrongful death. If he wanted a t-shirt with a picture of that damn singing frog on it, all he had to do is ask. Because that's pretty much all he's going to get after they stop pointing and laughing at him. The judge should take this case, look the paperwork over, call Monjack up to the bench, and then just punch him right in the face.

Simon and OJ should team up as a hilarious crime-fighting duo, bounded together by their restless mutual search for "the real killers."

Here's a clue, look in the mirror.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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