So Then Is Axe Body Spray Responsible For Him Being A Total Douchebag?

There's nothing like a trough of deep-fried Krispy Kreme donuts and Schlitz's malt liquor to cure a hillbilly's achy-breaky heart.

Fresh from his stint on VH-1's Celebrity Fit Club (aka Watching Fat, Formerly Famous People Workout Is Funny) Kevin Federline says he fell into a deep depression, and a vat of cream cheese frosting, after his divorce from Frappuccino Queen Britney Spears (long may she reign!).

"Once you get depressed, you don't really feel like doing anything. You're kind of discouraged about yourself and then the weight gain too, or that makes me more depressed. I mean, it's a combination of all of those things. Everybody knows what happened with me and Brit. I'm not going to say that's the total cause of it but, I mean, just not being happy with myself was probably the main part of my depression."

And here we thought it was because bacon is delicious and working is hard.

The divorce must have been very traumatic for him, especially the part where he got millions of Britney's dollars in the divorce settlement. But how else do you expect a guy to deal with his sorrows other than with chicken-fried filet mignon, brie cheese fries and an entire swimming pool filled with Chunky Monkey?

Oh right, whores. There were plenty of whores too. We're sure it were all part of the grieving process. Besides, he probably needed someone to tie the bib under his two chins after he couldn't lift his arms without registering a mini quake on the EKG machine.

But now that Less Well KFed has lost the chunk, executives at McDonald's, Arby's, Church's, KFC, Taco Bell and (insert the name of every single restaurant here) must be pulling out their hair over this in an emergency meeting.

Because if KFed is off the deliciousness, their stock will plummet and cheeseburgers will sit untouched under the heat lamps for days. This is not what the economy needs right now.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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