Just STFU Already, Sheesh!

You know, fighting in Afghanistan might be an easier gig than being John Mayer's publicist. After his latest attempt to overcompensate for a tiny peen, we have a feeling they'll be first in line at the recruiting office. Dodging bullets or defending Mayer's BS? Left, left, left, right, left.

Goodness, where to start with John Mayer's Playboy interview? The part where he described his 'white supremacist' penis? The use of the N-word? The part where he claimed to have faced similar hardships as black people?

For now, let's just concentrate on the fact that Mayer tried his hand at some over-compensatory male banter but succeeded only in offending giant swathes of the population and convinced everyone that he's even more of a dick than they originally thought. And this is John Mayer, remember, so everyone already thought he was a pretty big dick to start with.

So after realizing that his "hood pass" was about to be revoked in the most painful way possible, Mayer quickly retreated to an undisclosed location and the safe glow of his computer and hopped on Twitter to issue an apology:

Re: using the N word' in an interview: I am sorry that I used the word. And it's such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it, because I realize that there's no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged.

And while I'm using today for looking at myself under harsh light, I think it's time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews It started as an attempt to not let the waves of
criticism get to me, but it's gotten out of hand and I've created somewhat of a monster. I wanted to be a blues guitar player. And a singer. And a songwriter. Not a shock jock. I don't have the stomach for it. Again, because I don't want anyone to think I'm equivocating: I should have never said the word and I will never say it again.

He's been taking lessons from Kanye. The only thing missing is the all caps.

And at a concert in Nashville, Mayer cried Tila Tequila tears and again launched into a stoner-boy apology for his stupid mouth. While the band played on, John announced that he is going to quit the "media game" and end his "quest to be clever." Crying in public like that should only strengthen his fan base in the hood.

Of course, this is John Mayer we're talking about so even his apology is incredibly long-winded and douchebaggy, clocking in at an impressive three and a half minutes. Instead of his band playing, there should've been a tiny mouse with a tinier violin on stage. Watch the clip here.

Blah, blah, blah. His apology can pretty much be succinctly translated into: Please don't kick my ass.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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