We Can't Believe They Interrupted "The Price Is Right" For This!

Speaking for the first time since his wife caved his head in with a 3-wood on November 27 for banging whores all across America, Tiger Woods held a press conference on Friday where "friends and handpicked reporters" sat quietly and were not allowed to ask questions as Tiger read something his PR people wrote:

"I want to say to each of you simply and directly: I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible, selfish behavior... I know people want to find out how I could be so selfish and so foolish. People want to know how I could have done these things to my wife Elin and to my children. And while I have always tried to be a private person, there are some things I want to say," Woods said from behind a podium.

"Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior," he explained, adding, "My real apology .. will come from my behavior. We have a lot to discuss. What we say to each other will remain between the two of us."

He should have spiced things up a bit by taking an Ambien before the press conference so we can see what all the fuss is about because Tiger delivered his mea culpa like he was reporting the annual profits at a stockholder's meeting.

What Tiger really wanted to say was:

"I mean theres a lotta ish I could make up right now but honestly. I like to bang white chicks. Lots of them. And really I'm too rich to care what you think about it. That Becky I married whatever the hell her name is better spend that money I give her and shut the ef up. See you at the Masters, bitches."

We agree that Tiger's affairs are between him and his wife's golf club, but he does owe all of us an apology. He needs to apologize for introducing the world to Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, Jamie Jungers, Cori Rist, Holly Sampson, Joslyn James, etc...etc...

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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