Misha Barton's House Could Be Yours!

* Lindsay Lohan has been compiling a list of things she sucks at. So far she's got acting, singing, modeling and designing. Soon, she'll be able to add author. She says, I write a lot and it's very therapeutic for me because then I can see what's happening on paper. I've started writing a book. It's going to take a while, all my life experiences. I started writing it a year ago. There's a lot to put down, you know? The working title: How to Steal Other People's Stuff and Sell It for Crack While Pretending You have No Idea What Happened To It.

* Kate Gosselin has dropped 10 pounds, 86'd the reverse mullet and joined the cast of Dancing with the Stars, meanwhile ex Jon Gosselin is on his way to being the William Hung of soft-core porn. Playgirl magazine is willing to offer him just $20,000 to pose. Everyone knows the amount of Ed Hardy in your wardrobe is inversely proportionate to how big your penis is so perhaps they're offering $19,998 too much?

* Now that her stupid reality show is about to be canceled and her foray into pop music tanked, plastic surgery addict Heidi Montag is planning on getting pregnant so she can remain tabloid-relevant. In fact, she's already sold the exclusive rights to the photos to Life & Style Magazine, even though she's not currently pregnant. Why should she let a stupid thing like actually gestating a fetus get in the way of her next paycheck? It looks like Dina Lohan has finally met her match in the soulless manipulator department. Ten bucks says that baby's first word is ka-ching!

* In the April 2010 UK edition of Harper's Bazaar, Megan Fox reveals that the only other guy she's slept with besides Brian Austin Green is her childhood sweetheart and that she'd never have a one night stand. Fox also says that she's done acting for money and now wants to do it for love. Her role in Transformers has afforded her that option. Of course, she'll do a 180 on that when all her movies bomb and she's forced to have Lindsay Lohan as a roommate.

* Sean Penn is firing back at critics who've called FAKE! about his recent trip to Haiti. Penn brought 11 doctors to the earthquake stricken Haiti in January but a few cynics suggest he's only trying to repair his image. When asked about this, Penn said I can't hear you over my relief efforts! and wished a case of screaming rectal cancer on all of those people. Nice guy. But a spokesman for the Rectal Cancer Sufferers' Association responded that they're really not that offended by his insult since that shooting pain in the ass they experience is commonly referred to as "a Sean Penn."

* Ooops, she picked a loser again. Britney Spears's boyfriend/agent Jason Trawick was having a good time at Paris Hilton's birthday dash, that is until DJ Mr. Best, threw on Britney's song "Toxic. When the song came on the first thing out of Jason's mouth was OMG I hate this song!' Can you really blame Britney's boyfriend for not liking her music? If you dated that annoying hillbilly, you'd cringe every time you heard her voice too. The real reason why Jason is so disgusted by Britney's music is because every time he hears the words to "Toxic," "Womanizer," and "Circus," what he really hears is "Y'all, this is your NEW daddy," and "I thought you done said my c-section scar was sexy?"

* Amy Winehouse is all set to remarry ex-husband Blake Fielder Civil and start having children she's even gone as far as to purchase a new home in Camden that's roomy enough for a whole litter of crack babies. For those wishing to send gifts, Amy and Blake are registered at Marlboro.com, MedicalWholesaleSyringes.com, and the Jack Daniels distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee. They ask that you send cash or crack rocks in lieu of china or stemware. Congratulations to the happy couple!

* In "totally didn't see this coming" news, Mischa Barton is selling her 7,600 square foot Beverly Hills home for $8.4 million. Mischa originally purchased this home for $6.4 million back in 2005 when banks were giving out seven-figure loans like candy, so she stands to make $2 million if it sells (it won't). Wait. Mischa Barton lives in a 7,600 square foot mansion in Beverly Hills?!? She can't even afford an apartment -- how the hell does she afford a mortgage? Ah, there's the kicker. It turns out that wasn't just a one time payment -- her realty company wants it every month! Those jerks!

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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