Well, It's a Better Excuse Than Blaming The Dog

Lindsay Lohan is about to get a starring role on the top-rated show in America's trailer parks: COPS.

LiLo's DUI progress report is this Thursday and the judge has demanded that she be there or else there will be a bench warrant on her delinquent ass for not showing up. The problem is that LiLo is all the way in Cannes "promoting" her role in the Linda Lovelace biopic. So if you see her doing a line, it's research! And if you see her doing another line, it's a reward for being so dedicated to her craft.

Lindsay Lohan is probably going to miss her court hearing, but of course, it's not her
fault. Nothing ever is. Linds is already working on her story claiming she's unable to get a flight back to the U.S. due to ash from Iceland's volcano messing up the air space.

News of the aftermath of the volcano has been circulating for two months now, but how the hell would you expect her to know anything about it? It's not like it's erupting
Astroglide or anything remotely pertinent to a Lohan. And besides, nobody wrote about it in Us Weekly or on the back of a pack of Parliament Lights, so you can't expect her to have read about it, either.

Seriously, did the judge really think she was going to get her act together and respect their authoritah? Please. Linds going to jail will be no different than any of the times
she's passed out on the bathroom floor of some skeeve club for a week and being confused by her surroundings when she wakes up.

Like on "To Catch a Predator," you have to think like a crack-head to catch a crack-head. Send Lindsay a text pretending to be her dealer offering a special deal on a new shipment on Thursday and we guaran-damn-tee she'll show up. And bring a basket of croissants.

How much do you want to bet a flight will magically open up on May 23 when the festival ends?

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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