Remember When The Biggest Problem Lindsay Had Was People Trying To Figure Out If Her Boobs Were Real or Not? Ah, Good Times ...

As much as most of us want to see Lindsay Lohan tossed in jail, we all have to acknowledge it's a pretty amazing feat that she's made it this long without setting off her alcohol-monitoring SCRAM anklet. Seriously, it's been what, two, almost three weeks.

Ever since Linds was fitted with the booze-o-meter last month, her world has been turned upside down. What the hell is she supposed to do with her time if she can't drink booze? Take up knitting? Resurrect her acting career? Concentrate on being a better daughter and friend? Please.

That's why it was hardly a surprise when Lindsay's SCRAM went off during one of the MTV Movie Awards after-parties on Sunday night. Witnesses saw the monitor flashing furiously bright red, fast flashes right through her boot! There was no audible alert like Ho, you been drinkin' but you could definitely see flashes."

"She wasn't drinking or doing drugs that I saw," a party-goer added, explaining that LiLo didn't seem bothered by the blinking light. "She didn't seem phased whatsoever. I mean it was very obvious. But she was just hanging out, standing right in front of me, acting like it was totally fine."

The flashing could simply be "a technical issue," specifically that her bracelet could have been "interacting with the modem, transferring data, and not necessarily related to an alcohol level," Dr. Michael Hlastala, a California medical and DUI expert, tells Star.

Man, that's a pretty reasonable explanation. It's Lindsay, so it must be a technical issue, not because she was at a party at 1:00am surrounded by alcohol. Another explanation might the b**ch was drunk.

The judge in Lindsay's case put out a bench warrant for her arrest because she violated the terms of her probation five times over. According to sources, Lindsay was on probation when she failed to appear in court last month. At that point, Judge Revel revoked her probation and set bail at $100,000.

Lindsay's SCRAM bracelet generated a report to SCRAM officials and data shows evidence of alcohol. Any alcohol in her system is a violation of the judge's orders and Lindsay could go to jail. But of course she won't. Why not? We'll give you a hint: this all took place in L.A. Is there even a point to that SCRAM bracelet? Maybe it's just a cool fashion accessory.

The warrant was recalled when Lohan's representatives posted a portion of a new $200,000 bail amount. This is like the Groundhog Day of Bench Warrants.

1. Warrant is issued
2. Chuckyface pays 10% bail
3. Warrant is revoked

Repeat until b**ch gets a clue. (or ODs).

Lilo swears on her favorite coke mirror that she didn't drink a drop of the forbidden Southern Comfort nectar and doesn't know why her SCRAM went off. Wait, maybe it's a conspiracy. Yeah, that's it. Lindsay Lohan tweeted: "My scram wasn't set off-Its physically impossible considering I've nothing for it to go off-All of these false resports are absolutely wrong. This is all because of a FALSE accusation by tabloids& paparazzi& it is fucking digusting- I've been more than I'm compliance &feeling great "

Who does she think she is, Tupac?

Lilo paid 10% of the bail and the judge patted her on the head and congratulated her on cheating death. Maybe if someone tried explaining things to Lindsay in kilos instead of dollars she wouldn't violate her probation so much. Just a thought.

By Paige Muller

Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx
		About the author:
		Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends.  From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment.
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