Oprah to Rihanna: 'Heal Yourself First'

The All-Powerful Oprah Winfrey has descended from her throne to offer pop singer Rihanna the following missive: "Heal yourself firstlove doesn't hurt." All praise the Mighty Oprah, for She has spoken

As everyone in the free world knows by now, on February 8, singer Chris Brown, Rihanna's boyfriend, punched, bit and choked her until she nearly lost consciousness. Recent media reports indicate that Brown is facing felony charges as a result of the attack. Reports also indicate that Rihanna and Brown are back together. WTF?

Oprah has been so saddened by the situation that she is dedicating an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show to dating violence this week.

Let's be clear. Jumping on the media bandwagon for a surefire ratings bonanza has nothing to do with Oprah's (or Dr. Phil's, or Tyra Banks', or the Today Show's, etc) decisions to dedicate their shows to this issue. It's all about the public good, people. Educating young women, etc.

Shockingly, Rihanna is not appearing in any of these very special episodes'.

Oh how I wish (in this case and this case only) that the omnipotent Oprah and her apostles would switch their armchair therapist hats for those of seasoned media professionals and offer her something more than lame platitudes! This girl needs a good P.R. strategist more than feel-good empowerment drivel. Here's some free advice, Rihanna: Go back to that loser and risk damaging your public image and career permanently. Brown, at this point, would require a miracle for redemption. Go to rehab, make a seven-figure donation to a woman's shelter. Cry on Oprah, let her flagellate you for the masses. Still doubt you'll stand a chance, though. Anybody seen Jackson Browne these days?.

It's 2009, not 1969 and to paraphrase the Even Mightier Tina, love's got nothing to do with it...

By Andrea Corlett