Former 'Friends' Star Finally Manages To One-Up Angelina Jolie!
Secret weddings are the hottest thing since Uggs in Tinseltown. After a tumultuous relationship and he said, she said breakup, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are the latest couple to jump on the "Surprise, We're Married!" bandwagon.
The couple, who recently broke up after a failed attempt to rekindle their romance, stunned everyone on the set of Jen's new movie, The Baster, when she turned up with a sparkler on her finger and a leash around John's neck.
Says a friend of the pair, "Jennifer realized that her movie roles are a sad parody of her personal life and even though John is a complete tool, he's better than no one."
They added, "With all the other moderately talented actors and musicians getting snapped up by the likes of Mandy Moore and Jennifer Love Hewitt, she was running out of options."
Jen and John tied the knot at an online chapel and exchanged vows via Twitter. We guess John took a look at Nick Cannon's relationship with Mariah Carey and figured he'd have an endless source of material for more sophomoric singles and ego-stroking social network posts. And, given Jen's obsessive inability to let go of a relationship, like EVER, he was too scared to say "No" to her desperate pleas to head off the inevitable Octo-mom/Angelina Jolie comparisons when her fertility comedy is due.
There is also speculation that Jen not-so-subtly hinted that John's private man-kini fetish might accidentally be leaked to a tabloid or two if he didn't put a ring on it.
As part of their matrimonial vows, the couple agreed to stay together long enough to weather the latest Brangelia adoption or Jen gets knocked up, whichever comes first.
After all, what's love got to do with it compared to exclusive pics on the cover of OK! magazine? Single ladies take note: Put down that copy of Bride. Threats, blackmail and a fear you'll snap like Bridget Fonda in "Single White Female" just might be incentive you need to get your man down the aisle.
By Paige Muller
P.S. Just kidding, happy April 1!
 Paige Muller, Gossip & Hollywood Hijinx | |
| About the author: | |
Paige Muller is a gossip gal with an appreciation – some would say obsession – for Hollywood hijinx, celebrity style and the latest fashion trends. From who hooked up, who's knocked up and "WTF are they wearing?", Paige offers all the dish, with a side of snark. When not pondering Jennifer Aniston's perplexing post-breakup PR strategy, Paige is a published writer and communications professional who has worked with brands like Dove, L'Oreal, More magazine, Gap and WE: Woman's Entertainment. | |
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