It's like a never-ending tape, playing over and over in your head that you think might be helpful, but really it's only holding you back. How many times have you been at a meeting and thought later, "I should have brought up this idea?" Or when you're out at a party and you think, "I should have just worn what I had originally decided, now my feet are killing me!" We're just beating ourselves up for not making the "right" choice - whatever that is. But there is a way to make "shoulds" work to your advantage. Every time you start playing that self-defeating tape over in your head - stop and acknowledge it. And just let it happen. Try to stay as neutral as possible because sometimes it's easy to beat yourself up for beating yourself up - a vicious circle.

See what you're telling yourself. Maybe by saying you should have spoken up at a meeting, you're really telling yourself to be more confident and to believe in your ideas. Realizing you should have just gone with your first outfit option for a night out might show that you should stick to your true style instead of trying to be too trendy.

Another way to flip a "should" around is to turn it into a "could." "I should eat some vegetables instead of ordering another pizza, I should call my parents..." When you turn those into "could," you're suddenly giving yourself a choice. It's also giving you the chance to be more gentle on you - and that's always a beautiful thing.

Are any of you plagued by "shoulds"? How do you get rid of negative thinking patterns? Check out these related stories:

Small Steps to Self Esteem

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