Focusing your positive thought pattern

The most candid yet effective advice I've ever received came from the mouth of a now ex-boyfriend in response to a rather regrettable meltdown - the words of wisdom were as follows: "chill the f--- out and stop living in your head". I couldn't tell you whether it was the weight of the sentiment all on its own or the fact that we had even come to a point where he felt he needed to say it, but a switch flipped instantly in my brain and I thought, "You know what? YES. You're right. I do." Right then and there I made a decision to stop being ruled by my neuroses. The bad news is that by then it was too late to save something good that had been contaminated by negativity, and the idea of that saw me kicking myself for a long time afterward, and still does every now and then. Depressed yet? Don't worry. There's good news, and it should be posted on every woman's refrigerator. And forehead.

Let's recap what we're talking about here in case there's any confusion: The chaos of your own thoughts. The disconnected, frantic, haphazard mess of worry and analysis that finds its way off the cluttered floor of your brain and into everything you do in a day. Sound familiar? It starts small, a thought that maybe you're not good enough to deserve the good things that are coming your way. Maybe you're going to mess it up. Maybe someone else is going to mess it up. Maybe he's cheating. Maybe he wants to. Maybe he will in six months. It grows from there and you create this bizarre rationale to substantiate absolute, certifiable craziness. Or you fixate on one thought, one sentence, one event until you've dissected it into a million tiny fragments and distorted it so much that you're not even sure your recollection now is entirely accurate. Like I said, there's good news and a way to kick start the garbage filtering of your mind. Once you learn to focus on the positive, you can begin to live positively.

Train your brain - Make a "To-Do" list of thoughts. Hear me out. A to-do list of thoughts? I know how it sounds, but when you're working on improving how your mind operates during a day, you need to start in Safe Mode. Whether you know it or not, you have thinking habits and they occur almost like clockwork. One negative thought breeds two or three more simultaneously and from there it perpetuates. Make a list of the good things you have in your life presently, the good things you look forward to, and practice focusing on those things. The more you train your brain to think the way you want it to, the sooner your sunny disposition becomes second nature.

Now, not then - Focusing entirely, completely, exclusively, 100% on the present is key to this process and goes hand in hand with the first step. You will not be able to deter negativity by living in moments that do not exist anymore and cannot be changed. When you are thinking about past events and actions, you are not making yourself available to anything that is happening in front of you; this becomes a disservice to both yourself and others. You're distracted from your work, your conversations, your interactions. Simply put, you're just not all there. Chart your thoughts. Specifically identify where you want your mind to be, and then take it there. If you feel yourself drifting off towards old habits (and you will), don't be discouraged - just guide yourself back to the new game plan and keep your list on hand to help you out.

You always have more control than you think you do - The main reason why we drown ourselves in obsessive negativity is because we feel helpless to our circumstances. Remember that this is YOUR life and you are in total control of what you send out into the world and how you respond to what is sent back. Attitude is everything and you are not a slave to your mind. Enact change!

Clear your head - Take a few minutes out of your day to be quiet and think of nothing at all. Why do we think that our brain always has to be as busy as we are? Meditate. Indulge in silence. If you can master a few minutes of that, extend it into an hour or more.

Reluctance to formulate a positive outlook on life is most often rooted in the fear of not knowing where to begin. John Cage, an extraordinarily insightful philosopher and poet once said, "Begin anywhere."

Or if that's not blunt enough for you...."chill the f--- out and stop living in your head."

Courtney Gilmour
		About the author:
		Courtney is a published writer, stand-up comic, and shameless Internet enthusiast. She holds a double bachelors degree in English Literature and Communication Media Studies, specializing in semiotic theory, however she doesn't get Shakespeare and has never won a game of Scrabble. Currently she lives in Toronto and works as a writer for WOMAN.CA.
	Read More >>