You Can Be Nice Without Being Walked On

Hey. You! Yeah, you. The one with the “Welcome” sign on her forehead. Why don't you come over here and let me walk all over your back?

I know you're going to say, “Sure, be right there!” Why? Because you're a door mat. You just don't know it.

You let everyone – your family, your friends, your boss, your partners – walk up and down all over you. You're just being a good person, you say? Don't be so naive. Need me to draw you a picture? How about five clues that might prove a hint to you that you're too nice for your own good.

You never take the credit
You just spent eight hours on a project, then another seven and a half because your boss loaded some more work onto you and your co-workers are slackers. But when the head cheese comes around offering accolades, you're content to stand at the back of the line. It's not that you're being modest, it's that your work speaks for itself, right?

You're everyone's first resort
Of all the people you know, when someone needs something – a favor, a loan, a lift – you're the first person they all turn to. You've gotten out of bed at three in the morning to drive a buddy to the airport, or lent out over $200 to someone who swore they'd hit you back next week.

You've moved five people in the last three months
Just like the above example, you're always there. Whenever someone move's you're on their list. You'll pack every box, drive the U-Haul, stay up til three painting. Doesn't matter you just did it all last week for a cousin. Your brother's friend's sister needs some help and, well, you're free anyway, so why not?

You're on a lot of volunteer committees
The church needs you to volunteer this weekend at the bake sale. The rotary needs you for an evening to hand out raffle tickets. Your sports club is running having a race Tuesday evening and wants you to refill the water coolers. The veterans want you to stand outside the grocery store and sell poppies. When was the last time you had a day to yourself? That leads us to the last clue.

“No” isn't in your vocabulary
You just can't form that one little, one-syllable word. No. You can say the N, and you can say the O. But to put them together? Beyond your capability.

Now, you shouldn't think that just because you agree to any one (or all) of the clues above that there's something wrong with you. It's perfectly okay to be there for your friends. A kind deed, as they say. But sometimes that friendliness can go overboard, and to no one's detriment but your own.

Trust me – your friends will still like you if you don't want to wake up at four am to drive them to the airport (there ARE car services for that kind of thing), or if you're just too tired from your OWN life to help yet another friend move. There are moving men for that, too.

On the flip side, if someone doesn't want to be your friend any more because you don't allow yourself to be available to their every beck and call. It's at that point you can safely assume that person who only had time for you when you were doing something for them was using and abusing your kindness. You need to have your own life, and with that comes the ability – nay, the right – to draw a line in the sand every now and then.

So the next time someone asks you to pick up their dry cleaning on the way from work when it's halfway across town the wrong way through rush hour traffic, put your lips together and say, “No.”

Image from MorgueFile

Hilary Lauren Fox
		About the author:
		Sometimes she's a redhead, sometimes she's a blonde. Some days it's H&M, and on other days, it's Chanel. What ever the mood, she is a woman who is passionate about the arts, fashion and social media. Born in Toronto, Hilary Lauren Fox is an only child to artist parents - mom was an illustrator and pattern maker, dad was a painter.  Rather then studying the arts as her parents hoped for, Hilary opted for a degree in psychology with dreams of working in a clinical setting. But after graduating she realized that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and that the arts was in her blood, applying her education within the art and fashion world.
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