BFF'S: Hold Em' Close

If you’re as lucky as me to have a solid group of women in your life, then you understand the importance of girlfriends. Though it may seem like an obvious observation, all too often we neglect these valuable characters in our lives and underestimate the role that they play.

Everywhere women look—in movies, TV shows, magazines and billboards—we’re trained to “find a man,” to “find love” in that one man who will make all of our dreams come true the moment he gets down on one knee and puts that gold token of affection around our finger.

We’re trained to desire marriage, and kids, and a house in the suburbs. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting all of these things, I think it’s important to remember that “love” has more expansive and more inclusive manifestations - it's not all so x and y.

One of the greatest failures of the English language is that we only have one word for love.

In the Greek language, there are four words for love: “Éros,” “Storge”, “Agápe,” and “Philia.” You see, the Greeks recognize that love is a complex and multifaceted emotion, and that it can’t we whittled down to one single-syllabled word. “Éros” is the word for passionate and intimate love—the kind we’re trained to seek in men—“Storge” suggests a familial love, and “Agápe” means a brotherly type of love. Then there’s “Philia,” which conveys the love we have for our friends.

Many single women I speak with lament over the fact that they don’t “have a man” in their lives, as if they’re missing something integral.

They’ll complain about their lack of a “love life” yet they’ll never pause to recognize how love manifests in their lives through their relationships with their friends. I’m saying this because too often, I’ve been one of these women. Too often, I’ve felt lonely or unloved because of a romance gone wrong, a phone call unreturned, or affection unreciprocated. However, it’s not long before I remember my beautiful friends who provide me with “Philia” love all the time.

It’s important for women to remember that while men may be an important aspect of our lives, the love we can share with men isn’t the only type there is. I think this is why so many women are attracted to Sex and the City. Sure, we love the show for the shoes, the clothes, and the whole sexualized cityscape, but I think more than that, we love Sex and the City because at its core, the show is about female friendship. Through all the men and handbags, Sex and the City remains focused on the bonds between four women who have “found” one another amidst the clamor of city streets and the noise of heterosexual relationships.

Modern women need to learn from the Greeks and expand our definition of love. While we may not have “love” in our lives as it appears in the context of heterosexual companionship, we need to open our eyes to love in all of  its manifestations. Most importantly, we need to better appreciate and recognize our girlfriends—the ones who have stuck by us through bad haircuts and worse boyfriends.

I think it was nicely summarized on a Hallmark card I read recently. It said: “friends are the ones who know the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you’ve forgotten the words.” Yes, it’s gushy, and yes, it’s cliche, but it’s cliche for a reason.

Cliches can only become cliches when they’ve been expressed tirelessly time and again. And while the cliche of friendship may be obvious, sometimes our love for our friends (or our ““Philia”) isn’t as apparent to them as we may think. The next time you feel lacking in love in your life, tell your girlfriends how much they mean to you. You’ll be glad you did.

Image from MorgueFile

Amanda Cosco
		About the author:
		Amanda Cosco is a freelance writer. The city is her muse.  After completing a master’s degree in English Literature at Ryerson University in Toronto, Amanda packed up her life and moved to the city in pursuit of jazz, sex, and soup. Amanda completed her bachelor of arts at York University, where she had one foot in literary studies and one foot in journalism, earning her a double-major in English and professional writing. Amanda has presented her scholarly work at academic at conferences across Toronto, and her research on the metaphor of hunger in women’s fiction has received over $30,000 in grants and prizes. With her pen name, Lady Medusa, Amanda has left her digital footprints all over the internet. Currently, she’s blogging for several social media websites, and composing her first book of poetry, entitled "Autobiography of Skin. Follow her on Twitter @ladymspeaks
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