Having mutual respect pretty much covers everything from honoring one another, learning each others' similarities and differences without judgment to being considerate of each others' feelings and allowing one another to express openly and honestly without yelling. Ask yourself: Do I respect this person so much that I'd be happy if one of my children turned out like him/her?

This leads us to element #2: Open honest communication. This should not be done only when needed, but be done often speaking with a respectful tone, and not yelling.' Ask yourself: Do I feel safe to express myself around this person? Can I tell him/her anything, no matter how controversial, and know we'll find a way to talk things out, and make things right for us?

Next is element #3: Genuine affection. I'm not just talking about the hand holding, or cuddling in bed or on the couch. By genuine affection I mean the stuff you do with conscious effort, not just stuff you do on autopilot. I'm talking about anything from giving you a big warm hug to wish you good morning, to coming up from behind to hold you for a moment while you're preparing a meal. Perhaps even stroking your hair or caressing your arm or back when you've had a long day.

Ask yourself: If something bothered me, or if I had a rough day, does he or she care enough to ask about it? Whether it would be giving me a hug or a kiss on my forehead, or holding me for a little while, does he or she make me feel like they care and are supportive?

Ask yourself the right questions and you'll be able to figure out if these three elements exist in your relationship. Just commit to doing your best with these three elements no matter how much you feel your partner is not participating or reciprocating. Just know that if they don't appreciate you for this, sooner or later they will be left behind and someone worthy of your efforts will come along.

By Penny Phang

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