What do you think is a healthier way to start a relationship: Fast or slow?

Dear Maria,

I've been debating this with some friends. What do you think is a healthier way to start a relationship: Fast or slow?

Sometimes I'll meet a guy and I'll like him but the fireworks take a while to build. Other times we want to rip each others clothes off the second we meet and we end up seeing each other a lot right from the beginning.

Which do you think is a better way to start a long term relationship?

Sincerely,

Speedy in Nova Scotia

Dear Speedy in Nova Scotia,

Most relationships experts would agree that a "healthy" way to start a long term relationship is slow. If it's long term, why rush? But this begs many questions: What is healthy? What is slow? Does it even matter?

What is healthy? When people engage in relationships with other people they first need to assess the current relationship they have with themselves. Are you happy alone? What makes you unhappy? Many relationship problems are rooted in individual insecurity and underexposed past relationship problems. If you tackle those past relationship demons and become more confident in your value as an individual, someone will be willing to contribute to your happiness. This is healthy. Relying on someone else to make you happy, unhealthy.

What is slow? I'm not going to lie. I have no flipping idea. It would be hypocritical of me to even define this for someone. Plenty of relationships have spawned from one night stands, and countless daters have "waited" days, weeks, months with absolutely no result.

Slow paced, fast paced.. it's all relative and dynamic to the two individuals engaging in the relationship. You're going to have to decide which pace is comfortable to you with that specific person.

Rule of thumb: No sex on the first date.

Does it even matter? Probably not. Long term relationships can't be predicted. With the right amount of chemistry, they just sort of happen. Fast, slow, healthy or not... when you find a person who can stand your neurosis for extended periods of time and you like them back... well, maybe you've gotten yourself into a long term relationship thing.

Best,

Maria the Date Coach

Do you have a dating question for Maria? Send her an email and you might be featured next week on Dear Maria.

Maria Avgitidis
		About the author:
		Maria Avgitidis, or "The Date Coach", provides solutions in dating and relationships. As a fourth generation matchmaker, Maria is an astute observer of how various personality types interact with each other. Together these skills allow her to find and nurture romantic relationships for her clients, and often help improve their platonic relationships as well. For more information on Maria and her services, check her out at http://mariathedatecoach.com
	Read More >>