1. Define what you want

2. Fire your emotional vampires

3. Pursue your goals

4. Communicate your needs

1. Define what you want

You're alone because everything that you've done up to this point has not worked, so define what you want. No one has to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

Take responsibility and ownership of your life. Love is not something that hits you like a lightning bolt. There's no thunder, flashing lights and music when it happens.

Love is a decision, a choice - like vanilla or chocolate: you have to decide on one. It's something that happens from within and not without. You can not start by looking outside. You have to start by looking inside.

Set your preferences and priorities. What do you want? If you want honesty, then just be honest. Decide on what package you want, but in doing so, don't create things that are not there. Just enhance what is there.

Most people start out looking for perfection. Here's the mathematical theorem on perfection:

No one is perfect, therefore by definition, you're not going to find someone who is perfect. Once you swallow that big reality pill, you'll realize that maybe what you're looking for is right in front of you.

Realize that the s word is not a swear word. You have to settle for less than perfect. We all have a threshold a.k.a. our standards, qualifications or requirements. Define yours. Maybe you're allergic to her cheap perfume but you like being in the room with her. As long as she doesn't funk up the room for the rest of the day, and has other things in the mix that you enjoy, you'll be happy.

People who wait for perfection do a whole lot of waiting. There's a word for people who wait for perfection: Single. Everyone is a package deal. The settlement package if you will!

Define your deal makers and your deal breakers. What constraints and restraints are you unwilling to deal with? Is your mate loving, caring, hygienic and what about the personality?

Define so that you can recognize or pursue.

2. Fire your emotional vampires

Get rid off those energy suckers. Empty your mind's closet of all the baggage and have mercy and compassion on yourself. Until you empty the things that you don't want out, you can not be filled with what you want.

Your background and circumstance determines who you are, but you're responsible for who you become.

Everybody's got baggage, some more than others! Some people didn't get their hugs as kids and they're still carrying that hurt. Others have past trust issues that they are waiting to project on someone else.

Hurt needs a remedy or it stays a hurt, so treat your issues right, no matter how big or small they are.

We all have issues in one way or another. We all come with Buyer Beware Warnings. We've all been bruised, hurt or rejected at one point or another whether it be: slammed by a bad boss, tough parents, bad breakup, personal disappointments or whatever.

But how much of that are you still carrying with you? How big is your luggage? Can it be seen from a mile away? Is it a high end matching set?

A little bit of baggage is reasonable. You know the kind that fits on a little wheelie thingy through the airport, but not someone pushing a whole matching set of luggage behind you. Then you don't just have an issue, you have the whole subscription.

Be honest about whom you are and if you don't do it for moral reasons, at least do it for selfishness. You will always be rewarded for being honest.

Know your essence, then how much you can veer away. If you need to have a different essence, take the necessary steps to get the desired effect.

3. Pursue your goals

It's all one big audition; you're auditioning for the role of lover. Go after what you want, sniff through the rubble as swiftly as possible. Dating is a sniff test for a potential mate.

Many people make the mistake of moving too fast. You have to ration your passion if you don't want your mate to go dashing. Desperation is the worst pheromone; it makes you seem like a scrappy outfielder waiting for action.

Some people have a habit of giving TMI (too much information) on the first few dates. Remember, you're in the sniff mode and there is stiff competition out there. It's a mutual fact-finding mission, not an excavation of your childhood wounds or impressive career path.

Rule of thumb: If you're going to deprive someone of solitude, at least provide them with good company. Why are you on this date? You've beaten a hard line of people to be on the date, make it count.

When in the sniff mode it's best to date as many people as possible and go to as many events and venues where quality people frequent.

Clubs are the worse place for anyone to pick up dates. If after 10 Vodka tonics you end up together with someone, then you know you're not there because he/she thinks you're smart, kind to your mother or good with money. They are not going wake up the next morning and go You've changed my life, now let's get married.

Resist sex without love. Sex with love is one of the glories of life; it's like a Van Gogh. It's better than eating, sometimes you don't even want to eat you just want to do it all day long.

4. Communicate your needs and make requests

Communication is key to a successful relationship. It is important not to assume the other person knows exactly what you are thinking. Don't play the guessing games. Make your feelings clear and that way there is little room for misinterpretation.

A relationship feeds on love, respect and communication. When you feel your needs should be addressed, communicating them to your significant other helps them to basically help you. Of course, this process should be reciprocal; it is the proverbial give and take of long lasting relationships.

If you feel too awkward to voice your opinion, write your feelings down on paper. This will help you organize your thoughts for when you are ready to speak. When all else fails, written communication might be the best way for you to convey your feelings. Do what you must, but keep the lines of communication open. It is this type of sharing that promotes healthy romantic partnerships.