The No-No's Of Break Up Etiquette

We all know the basics of break up Do's and Don'ts. Be tactful. Don't hurl objects across the room in fury. Listen to what your partner has to say. Don't splash wine in their face. The list goes on.

Breaking up is the least amount of fun you'll ever have in your life, perhaps second to a root canal....and even that takes a back seat at times. There are a few slip ups that people make during their final goodbye without even realizing it, and they're much less drastic than violent outbursts or abrupt phone call hang ups.

Most of the time what hurts more than an actual slap in the face is a verbal slap in the face. Here are a list of cliche phrases your break up speech should be absent of at all costs:   

"I still care about you."
In your head this sounds like a kind, generous consolation. Guess what? It isn't. Do you know how it translates? As a downgrade. A demotion. The distance between "I love you" and "I still care about you" is a gap as wide as a football field and on top of that, it stings. You're not doing your soon-to-be ex partner any favors by using this line. Unless the split is the messiest interaction you've ever engaged in and both people part ways with a murderous glint in their eye, the "I still care about you" sentiment is a safe unspoken assumption. They know you still care. It's not comforting in any capacity to hear it out loud right away, and it's usually said to ease your own conscience. Save it for Jiminy Cricket. 

"When can you pick up your stuff?"
Too soon. There is a universal grace period that takes place after a break up and it includes a temporary hold on items that need to be divided or claimed. No matter how quickly you think he needs to move his Play Station 3 before you re-gift it to your brother, allow for some reaction time to absorb what is happening and make arrangements for all the technical details. 

"I will always love you." 
Is this even really true for anyone other than Whitney Houston? Why do we say this? It suggests that we will either never love anybody else or, when we do, we will only love that person partially with one foot still firmly planted in a previous romance . Sure, there are varying degrees of love, and maybe it's possible to hold a special place in your heart for someone you've spent a significant portion of your life with. What you mean, though, is that you will always care about them (see tip #1). When you tell someone who still has feelings for you that you "will always love" them , it's giving them false hope. They're not in a frame of mind that can see past the fog and comprehend the level of love you're offering, which, let's be honest, is platonic. It can also anger them. If you will always love them, why not love them now? Why break up? You wouldn't be having the dreaded conversation if your intentions were not to rip off the Band-Aid. So, do it, and move on.  

"It just got too hard." 
Whoa, wait. What? Relationships are hard? Did I miss the CNN scrolling head line? Here are the facts. No matter how hard it got, you came to a point of realizing that this person is not for you. It's not that you can't take the heat, it's that you don't think you two are a good match for taking the heat together in the long run. That is what it comes down to. If you were crazy over-the-moon in love with the person and felt 100% compatible with them, the rough patches would of course be hard but you would think of it as worth the effort. You are not at fault if you're feeling that the connection is gone, you're not the bad guy. But instead of making excuses for why you can't follow through with the relationship, just do your best to be honest.        

Image from MorgueFile

Courtney Gilmour
		About the author:
		Courtney is a published writer, stand-up comic, and shameless Internet enthusiast. She holds a double bachelors degree in English Literature and Communication Media Studies, specializing in semiotic theory, however she doesn't get Shakespeare and has never won a game of Scrabble. Currently she lives in Toronto and works as a writer for WOMAN.CA.
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