Three's A Crowd

There's a really interesting dynamic in the movie Love Actually that focuses around Keira Knightly's relationship. Juliet is engaged to Peter, but Mark - Peter's best friend -  is head-over-heels for Juliet, although you don't find out until later. You think he's just dismissive and doesn't like her. He sucks it up when he's around them, despite how much it feels like torture. And he never tells Peter. But he shows up one night with pre-recorded carols and cue cards that tell her just how  he feels before walking off graciously into the night.

It worked out okay in the end. But that's the movie world, and this is real life. So what do you do when you find yourself in the sticky position of being in love with your best friend's boyfriend?

Nothing.

Nothing? Really? Yes, nothing. She's your best friend – why are you going to try to throw a wrench into her happiness?

Actually, you should probably try to avoid lusting after someone else's man period, especially if that man is attached at the hip to your best friend. Relationships are hard enough without having to constantly fear that someone else is trying to make a move when you're not looking.

On second thought, I take back my earlier statement that you should do nothing - there are a few things to consider before you walk away from this feeling unfulfilled.

First off, this is a pretty big secret to keep from someone you're supposed to be friends with. Consider telling her. Think about it first! Don't “fool's rush in” that ish. You know her. How will she react? Some friends will accept it and move forward with understanding. Other friends will feel hurt or betrayed. But, clear air between both of you – honesty – can only benefit you in the long run. What happens if she finds out later from someone else?

Next, try to think about if you do actually love this guy, or if it's just residual. She is your best friend after all – you probably have similar taste or look for the same thing in a guy. Maybe he's not the ONE for you, but the TYPE for you? Or could it be your experiencing some kind of jealousy that she's in a relationship with someone who appears to be perfect and you aren't? Heck, it could even just be a silly little crush.

Of course, if you analyze it and it turns out to be true love on your part... well you've told her how you feel and now it's time to do your own exit stage right. He fell for your friend for a reason (and while you're both similar in many ways, as most friends are, in the fundamental ones that matter to him, you're very different) and you need to let them travel the course of their relationship at a natural rate. If you can't be around him without getting all tongue tied and sweaty, distance yourself, and don't let your emotions get in the way of theirs. When you can control yourself or stop pining, you can start spending more time with them.

What if you think your friend is not treating him the way you think he should be treated? All I can say is try to talk to her about it, but don't get all pushy or preachy. It's up to him to decide how he likes to be treated – don't stab her in the back by thrusting yourself in his direction as the antithesis of her.

All that being said, if your best friend and her man pal can't make things work, have a chat with her before you make your own move. Maybe you two are destined to be together, but you know how guys say “bros before hos”? Same mentality applies to women. Your friends have and will be there through the best and the worst of times – don't burn those bridges because of a dude. She'll be there when he dumps you for someone else... because hey, what are friends for?

Image from MorgueFile

Hilary Lauren Fox
		About the author:
		Sometimes she's a redhead, sometimes she's a blonde. Some days it's H&M, and on other days, it's Chanel. What ever the mood, she is a woman who is passionate about the arts, fashion and social media. Born in Toronto, Hilary Lauren Fox is an only child to artist parents - mom was an illustrator and pattern maker, dad was a painter.  Rather then studying the arts as her parents hoped for, Hilary opted for a degree in psychology with dreams of working in a clinical setting. But after graduating she realized that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and that the arts was in her blood, applying her education within the art and fashion world.
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