From Vanilla To Chocolate, Show Him Your Kinky Side

You've been with your partner for quite some time now and you're more in love than ever. Your feelings are strong, you have fun, your parents love him. All is right in the world.

There's just one thing.

Your connection between the sheets, while still magical and magnetic, could use a little....er, upgrade. It's time to look into spicing things up. But where to start? And how do you tell them?

When you've got cravings for anything other than vanilla, here are some suggestions on how to introduce the kinky factor to your relationship:

Start nice and easy - Now, now, you crazy little vixen. Slow down before you get ahead of yourself. Yes, the prospect of finally advancing your sex life beyond the basics of your grade 9 health education text book is exciting, but let's not get hasty with the whips and chains just yet. Allow time for the transition and start out slow. Introduce new ideas and discuss what both of you are comfortable with and interested in experimenting. 

Make it suggestive, not insulting - The ultimate letdown for your partner is hearing that their performance in the bedroom has been lack luster. Let them know that introducing a little more kink is a suggestion you think would be fun to explore, not an insult or a poor review of their skills. Be encouraging and confident in your sexual chemistry.

Share fantasies - Be the first to throw out ideas, especially if your partner leans more towards the introverted side of the bed. Talk about the kind of fantasies you have and would like to see fulfilled, and your openness will indicate a safe place for him to share his fantasies too. Together you might discover that you have mutual interests!

Respect - Be considerate and respectful of their boundaries. There may be some activities that are a no-go for them and if that's the case, don't push it. You wouldn't expect to be pressured into something you weren't comfortable with, right? We all have our deal breakers. If it's something that's relatively innocent in practice and not "gross", leave it on the back burner for now, and who knows, maybe once you're well versed in a spicy sex life your partner will be willing to renegotiate later.

Normalize - Be clear about whether or not this is just an experimental phase you're going through. They need to know if this is a gateway into a new sexual routine that you would like to embrace habitually. Going from vanilla to chocolate or tutti frutti is a big step and you want to have open communication about where it's going right from the start. 

Courtney Gilmour
		About the author:
		Courtney is a published writer, stand-up comic, and shameless Internet enthusiast. She holds a double bachelors degree in English Literature and Communication Media Studies, specializing in semiotic theory, however she doesn't get Shakespeare and has never won a game of Scrabble. Currently she lives in Toronto and works as a writer for WOMAN.CA.
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