Did We Really Need To Remake This... Again?

Once again, as per usual, Hollywood introduces a story with the potential to be anomalous and groundbreaking, amid a multitude of otherwise mundane cliches. And, once again, as per usual, it falls short.

Alright, we know better than to rely on a series of hour long platitudes on the silver screen to shape our perceptions of unconditional love. Well, by now we do. At the tender, impressionable age of 10, we plopped ourselves down with a juice box in front of Disney's Beauty and The Beast and reveled in the idea of intelligent, graceful, attractive young Belle making friends and living happily ever after with a captor who, in perfect timing, turns handsome and noble.

Now, as adults, we're smart enough to call 'em as we see 'em: a teenage girl suffering from Stockholm Syndrome who ends up falling in love and pursuing a long term relationship with a wild boar. 

With the recent theatrical release of 'Beastly', a modernized interpretation of the Beauty and the Beast myth in which a handsome man is transformed into a hideous monster by the summoning of an evil witch, we are promised a narrative that explores the rebellion of convention. Beast meets beauty. Beast falls in love. Beast faces apprehension due to his unsightly appearance. Beauty sees potential where no one else can and appreciates Beast for all of his wonderful qualities. End result: happiness for all. 

It seems we are supposed to stand in awe of this concept, be inspired by the sentiment. But herein lies the dilemma - it's old news. No, it's not just old news, in a weird way it's actually reality. How many gorgeous and talented women do you know who are dating short, balding, frumpy men?

All of them? Okay, not all of them. And no, bald and frumpy does not a monster make.

But surely you can look around you and count on one hand - if not both - ladies you know who are beautiful but dating men who could be classified as "beasts" in comparison. This is because when looks are sub par, we have an easier time than men heading straight for personality without qualms. 

And that's why 'Beastly' is nothing more than another hackneyed teen romance. But then again, that's an idea no more novel than its premise.  

We've seen this film again and again, we've seen the misfit fall flat on his face in front of the girl and we've seen her pick him up and dust him off. To those who argue that the scenario has been flipped on its back side in our favor, allow us to instantly refute those claims by using your own evidence against you. You're probably thinking of movies like Clueless, The Princess Diaries, Never Been Kissed, and even the timeless classic My Fair Lady. Those would all be fair examples if it weren't for the fact that they differ in one single but significant regard: they're makeover movies.  

In each of those films the woman takes on the role of the 'beast' but for the conflict to be resolved there is a prerequisite, which is that she has to physically change before the man's eyes are opened to her beauty. She gets her hair done, her nails done, her wardrobe refreshed and essentially goes from geek to chic. How convenient! What gives? Where are our manly makeovers!? Wouldn't you pay $10 to see someone like Steve Buscemi be primped at the salon just so he's good enough for Reese Witherspoon?

We're just sayin'. Give us an ugly broad who's loved for her ugly mug too and maybe we'll give flicks like 'Beastly' a chance again.

In the meantime, ho hum. Next!

Image from MorgueFile

Courtney Gilmour
		About the author:
		Courtney is a published writer, stand-up comic, and shameless Internet enthusiast. She holds a double bachelors degree in English Literature and Communication Media Studies, specializing in semiotic theory, however she doesn't get Shakespeare and has never won a game of Scrabble. Currently she lives in Toronto and works as a writer for WOMAN.CA.
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