We just got back from visiting my sister and her family in Laguna Beach, California. We had a great time seeing the sights and hanging out but it was by no means a relaxing trip. I naively thought that my 3 and a half year old son would get along famously with my sister's 4 and a half and 2 and a half year old boys. Damn those kids on Barney! Their kind behaviour is so misleading. Instead of watching them share, sing and play calmly alongside each other, it was like I was witnessing a cockfight. Each one taking turns slowly pecking away at the other.
My son is an only child so he's not used to the whole "sibling rivalry" thing. And frankly, neither am I. Sure he's had some turf and toy wars before with his friends. But those were 2 hour play dates. Everyone had their own houses to flee to when tensions ran high. Our escape options were a 5 hour plane ride or a $400 a night hotel room. Once I realized that my husband and son would be joining me in that room, I decided it wasn't worth it.
Every day, the house sounded like it was occupied by a bunch of Velociraptors. There was constant screaming, crying, whining and taunting going on. And that was just between the adults! It wasn't all bad though. When the kids weren't terrorizing each other, they were having a blast jumping and sliding down the furniture and landing on their necks. Good times!
Now that I'm back home in the calmness of a one child scenario, I have been able to look back, dissect and understand what the fighting was all about. It boils down to attention. All children crave attention and they'll stop at nothing to get it. If your children feel they aren't getting enough positive attention from you, they'll push your buttons. Negative attention is still attention.
So what are you going to do the next time your 3 year old decides to get in touch with his creative side by drawing all over the walls with your $30 Chanel lipstick? Instead of opening a can of whoop ass on him, try saying something like this. "I see you need extra attention today. I'd be more than happy to read to you or play with you. Would that be enough? Just so you know, I see that you drew on the walls using my lipstick. Did you do that because you needed my attention? Next time, when you need a hug or a kiss, just come over to me and ask for it."
Calling them out like this is telling your child that you know what he's doing and why. Whatever you do, don't back down or give in because you want to avoid a tantrum. It's better to force a meltdown now than continue to suffer through more attention-getting behaviour. Trust me, you'd rather nip this in the bud now before your son tries to feed his sister to your dog.

Carly Cooper
		About the author:
		Carly Cooper is a certified Life Coach for 'Moms'. She gets motherhood because she is a mother. She understands the struggles with guilt and finding a work/life balance as she herself is a working mother. For more information about Carly, her services and to request a complimentary coaching consultation visit her website at www.balance-the-mother-load.com.
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