When To Introduce "The Birds And Bees"

What is every parent's worst nightmare? Waking up to a phone call that delivers the awful news that your kids have been in some kind of trouble. They're in jail. They've been hurt. Too many awful things to suggest.

What's every parent's second worst nightmare? Giving their kids the “sex talk”. OK, you might not be that frightened of talking to your kids about the birds and the bees (we tried to refrain from calling it the birds and the bees – we're in the 21st century after all - no dice), but that taboo topic still has the power to leave normally eloquent men and women tongue tied.

Daunting or not, this is probably one of the most important conversations you will have with your children – regardless of how we feel about it, sex is a huge part of life and it's everywhere your kids are. The reality of it is, if they aren't watching it on TV, seeing it in movies and magazines (even cartoons and video games are laced with sexual innuendo and content), or listening to it on the radio, they're talking about it on the playground.

If you give your kids firm understanding of sex – from the benefits to the consequences and the implications involved – then you've laid the ground work for them to make good decisions regarding their sexuality later in life, as well as the tools to understand the good from the bad. It's as much about prevention as it is about protecting them from their own bad decisions and helping them recognize danger from others.

According to plannedparenthood.com, young people are less likely to take sexual risks if they have:

- a positive view of sexuality

- information that they need to take care of their sexual health

- clarity about their own values and an understanding of their families values

- self-esteem and self-confidence

- interpersonal skills, such as assertiveness and decision-making abilities

- a sense that their actions affect what happens

- a connection to home, family, and other caring adults in their community, school, or religious institution.


Every parent wants to develop an open and communicative relationship with their children, and having this conversation early also sets the standard that, while you're a parent, you're still understanding and a confidant – that they can trust you.

How soon should you have it?

There's no definitive age where you say, “Now it's time to sit down and discuss sex.” You may be talking to your son about sex when he turns eleven, and your daughter might need the talk by the time she's eight. Every kid develops at a different rate.

Your best indication that your kids are ready to talk about it? When they ask.

Don't dismiss their curiosity with an easy answer (like, babies come from storks). Be direct and truthful. Their age will dictate just how much information you discuss with them (for instance, a four year old asking about birth will need a less detailed answer than that you'd offer a ten year old).

How do I start?

Unless your son or daughter has directly asked you where babies come from, it may be difficult to find the “right time” he or she will be receptive to talking about something so personal. Don't blurt it out one day over tacos at the mall... they will be uncomfortable and probably won't listen.

Keep your eyes and ears open to what's going on in your life, though. Maybe there's something happening that offers an “in” to that kind of conversation – a neighbour is pregnant, someone on a favourite television show is going through puberty, etc.

Ask them open questions about those situations, and go from there.

If your kids are older, chances are they already know the scientific details from school, but they will still have concerns about who they are and what is happening to their body. It's never too late.

What do I talk about?

With younger kids, just answer their questions as honestly as possible, without using language that's  confusing.

Older kids will probably know the scientific details, but will care more about understanding the changes occurring in their bodies. Explain to them how people develop at different times, how hormones can affect their bodies and their moods, and why.

It's also important to share your own values with them. Kids fashion themselves after their parents, and if you share your positive feelings with them on things like birth control, and negative feelings on things like teenage pregnancy. Also, since children learn by watching how we behave, they will learn love and acceptance by the way you treat them – hugs, kisses, etc.

The most important message you can share with your kids is that sex is not something to be afraid of. Of course you don't want them having it at thirteen or fourteen but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to make informed decisions if and when the situations arise.

Through frank, honest discussions with you, they will have the tools to avoid those mistakes that will affect the rest of their lives. But because they know they can trust you, when they do “mess up”, they will be more likely to come to you for advice and guidance – and where better to turn than home?

Image from MorgueFile

Hilary Lauren Fox
		About the author:
		Sometimes she's a redhead, sometimes she's a blonde. Some days it's H&M, and on other days, it's Chanel. What ever the mood, she is a woman who is passionate about the arts, fashion and social media. Born in Toronto, Hilary Lauren Fox is an only child to artist parents - mom was an illustrator and pattern maker, dad was a painter.  Rather then studying the arts as her parents hoped for, Hilary opted for a degree in psychology with dreams of working in a clinical setting. But after graduating she realized that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and that the arts was in her blood, applying her education within the art and fashion world.
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