Why Heirheads Pushing Canned Champers called "RICH Prosecco" Just Doesn't Cut it in the New World Order

Welcome to the culture of bitches and frenemies. On a recent WestJet flight back from Nassau, I caught an episode of Paris Hilton's My New BFF on the postcard-sized screen. This is how bored I was.

Paris' new primetime vehicle is the most Attention Deficit Disorder-riddled hour of programming I've ever seen. Is there anyone who works on this show that's not hopped up on something? In Paris' world, it's fashionable to be a rude ass bitch. Further more, the social messaging is crystal clear: it's glamorous to cut people off.

It's a media ethos that celebrates backstabbing, bitch slaps and vicious attacks. The show is edited to privilege the girl who interrupts - either with a smart ass remark, or a dumbass remark. Bonus points for a snark face or an "about to cry" face.

Traditional linguists fear the Internet damages our ability to articulate properly, infusing language with LOLs, dorky emoticons and the gauche sharing of personal information on blogs. Whatever. We blame Paris Hilton. And Lauren Conrad, Whitney Port, Heidi Montag and Audrina Partridge. Unfortunately, soft-scripted reality programming like The Hills and The City leaves these "actresses" high and dry. Fortunately for people who make a living (shout out to Perez Hilton, Tina Fey, David Letterman) mocking the above boldface, the soft-scripting only sharpens the reality that most of the "young and strapless" set in Hollywood aren't capable of speaking one complete sentence in an entire episode.

Paris earned an estimated $7 million in 2008, mostly through whoring out her image through licensing deals attaching her famous name to a perfume, prosecco, watches, nightclubs and a video game. Of course, Paris' blonde economy will continue to thrive, in fact, they've just announced a UK version of her insufferable show. Apparently, "BFF" doesn't translate in the land of the Oxford English Dictionary. The show is called Paris' Hilton's New British Best Friend. This media franchise projection of "feminine whining" seemed to go over well in the George W. Bush era.

Well, Obama is in, and - in a subliminal way - that means Paris is out. We can name 5 heiresses who are way more interesting, just off the top of our heads:

1. Delphine Arnault Gancia, daughter of France's Bernard Arnault, runs the Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton luxury goods empire.

2. Georgina Bloomberg, daughter of New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, is a world-class equestrian with scores of championships under her belt.

3. Amanda Hearst, the great-granddaughter of media tycoon William Randolph Hearst, studied Art History at Boston College and Fordham University.

4. Dylan Lauren, the daughter of designer Ralph Lauren, started a swank candy shop in New York City, called Dylan's Candy Bar. She graduated from Duke with an Art History degree.

5. Vanisha Mittal, Daughter of Indian-born, London-based steel magnate Lakshmi Mittal, is active in her father's industrial empire, holding a seat on the Mittal Steel board after interning in the business.

6. Anna Getty, great-granddaughter of J. Paul Getty and niece of Gordon Getty, is a former actress turned yoga guru. She now runs PureStyle Living, purveyors of instructional yoga DVDs and other eco-friendly gear.

7. Anna Anisimova, daughter of Russian metals mogul Vassily Anisimov, is a paparazzi's favourite. Her stunning looks get people talking, but her deal making really generates the ink.

8. Aerin Lauder, the granddaughter of Estée Lauder, has worked for her family company for 14 years.

Si Si Penaloza
		About the author:
		Si Si has cultivated strong ties with editors, producers and publishers at all major Canadian media outlets. She is a seasoned print, radio and broadcast specialist. Graduating Magna Cum Laude from Bowdoin College in Maine, Si Si moved to Manhattan to study Film at New York University. Her strengths lie in contextualizing relevant content for a broad audience. She's driven to stay competitive and at the top of the market - commissioning exclusive features and launching bold initiatives.
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