Your best friend is getting married. As if that isn’t stressful enough, you know, what with all of the tasks assigned to you, you have now been asked to toast the Bride.

Great.

What should you say? Should you be funny? Serious? Short? Longwinded? Well that’s entirely your call. But be advised, there are some things that just don’t fly.

Here’s what NOT to say when toasting the Bride.

1. “After a long list of suitors, she’s finally found the one!”
And what about number six, and number twenty-three, and number forty-seven. No in-law wants to hear that their future daughter has taken a few strolls around the block. Even if it’s true. Perhaps Mr.Right came after a long list of Mr. Wrongs... the last thing you want to do is make that known during a bridal speech. As far as you’re concerned, and she’s concerned, and everyone in the wedding hall is concerned, he was her first, and will be her last. Case closed.

2. “She never seemed like the marrying type...”
For all of the married women in the audience, including the Bride at the head table, this can be extremely offensive, especially if you’re not married yet yourself. A statement like this only makes the audience wonder what “the marrying type” actually is. Coming from someone who isn’t married, or even someone who is, relegating marriage to only a certain type of person is not a wise move. Especially in public.

3. Divorce Jokes
This one is a given. Yes, our society is alert to the reality that a majority of all modern marriages end in alimony, however bringing this up on their special day, although it might render a few chuckles, is an unwise approach to the Bridal speech. Probably because, well, it’s the truth - and don’t think they haven’t thought of this already. Leave the big D word out entirely.

4. “Can’t wait to see what your kids look like!”
Woah, woah, woah there Mary Poppins! Who says the stork will be making deliveries any time soon? Maybe they don’t want kids!? Or maybe they want to wait. It’s a very 1950’s way of thinking to assume that just because they’ve said “I do” they’re going to be jumping to procreate right away.  Many couples choose to wait, and some choose not to have children at all. Mentioning offspring only puts added pressure on the new couple. Leave that to their parents.

5. “I bet they can’t wait for the honeymoon!”
Sure, young, open-minded guests can get a snicker out of this one, but parents, grandparents and siblings simply do not want to imagine their children doing the dirty. Of course, the honeymoon is meant for making whoopie, we all know this, but some things, especially obvious things like this, are better left to the imagination... er.... you know what we mean.

Image from MorgueFile

Billie Misha
		About the author:
		Billie got her start in the media industry as a photographer. Snapping on red carpets and at film events, she quickly learned that if a picture speaks a thousand words, a blogger speaks a million. She has written for dozens of websites and online publications, and loves to scoop stories on the steamiest scandals, the biggest and best trends,and whatever else is making news RIGHT NOW!
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