My Mother's Offer Came with an even Bigger Price Tag than the Gown  Control.

When this whole wedding business started, I decided to pay for my wedding to retain creative control and ensure fair game. This was a bold move for a Greek girl who grew up witnessing her parents stash away cash for the Big Day and watching numerous others go into near bankruptcy to pay for their children's over-the-top Greek wedding.  We all saw the movie, no need to explain further.

For my Anglo betrothed the wedding was always going to cost him so agreeing with my decision was easy.  Poor thing didn't know what he was giving up, or what he was lined up to receive. He'd never known of a bousta, a koumbaro or heard of such a thing as a prika. No one told him a surf board and a small vault would be required to ride the waves of good wishes, congratulation phone calls, kisses and gifts that he was about to receive for asking me to marry. In fact, if you ask me when he really fell in love,

I quickly discovered the bank account would only flow in one direction as my barren neck demonstrated this was not the tradition of Anglos.  For them, engagements come with unconditional love and support, with the envelope acting as a carrier of warm wishes, not cold cash what a concept.

So, to make things fair and account for differences, I thought it would be best if we paid for most of the wedding and our parents could pick up the bill for some more traditional stuff (yes, the dress fell into this category, but I capped that too).

I made that decision with the best intentions however as more time passed and I learned about wedding mark-up, it became increasingly difficult for me to see how I was going to achieve a tasteful event on a budget that was not being pumped by Mom & Dad.

Destiny A: You wake up very married, with a little bit debt.

Destiny B: You wake up very married with A SH*T LOAD of debt.

I took this to heart as I entered a new world of event planning with a budget attached to my bank account and not a board of directors. But this also created a conundrum -  how do I tune out the noise of the magazines, of high maintenance friends, of the targeted Facebook ads all screaming for your money? 

It has been bloody hard, lemme tell ya. It's like standing up to a bully who has haunted you for most of your adult life, and whom you finally come face to face with on the playground at age 33 with all your friends watching.

If you crumble, the bully puts you in a figure four leg lock and you wake up with a second mortgage.

If you stand up to the bully, stare him straight in the face, and if you are confident that you don't need to show off to the other kids, then screaming "I DONT HAVE YOUR LUNCH MONEY" and then walking away, can be easy.

Once I did this, (aside from a few heartbreaks along the way) keeping true to my pocket book became easier. Every deal, every concession came with a bit of a celebration. It was really easy to choose not to have my wedding at a downtown venue because I knew all too well that my Uncle Gus would remember the 15 bucks he spent on parking for the rest of his life. Covering the parking was not an option either because simply, we don't have the money for such luxuries.

But it takes time to get there, and many brave Diva "No's". I beat the bully in the noisiest place in the world Kleinfelds.

Yes ladies, I said NO to the dress!  

Sousie Tsotskos, A Greek Divas Bridal Brigade
		About the author:
		Toronto public relations expert Sousie Tsotskos will walk down the aisle on June 6th, 2009. After years of showcasing Toronto's finest to media from around the world for Tourism Toronto, she uses industry secrets to plan her own wedding, taking us on an intoxicating and zany tour. From unusual dress-fittings, unwelcomed run-ins, hen parties and a minor identity crisis - find out how this Toronto mover-and-shaker learned to plan her BIG, LEAN, STYLISH GREEK WEDDING on a dime. This is one of the most highly addictive columns on WOMAN.ca.
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